I Can’t Stay Mad At You

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “I Can’t Stay Mad at You.”
Do you hold grudges or do you believe in forgive and forget?

I don’t really believe in either.  I mean, it depends who I’m mad at and what they’ve done, but if they aren’t someone I’d consider a close friend, and if they’ve done something I see as horrible, I will cut all ties with them.  I wouldn’t say I hold a grudge, because that would mean I’m actively staying mad at them.  No, I just try to leave them in the past.  I don’t forgive them and I don’t forget what they’ve done, but I also don’t waste my energy on thinking about them.  Instead, I try to heal myself from the damage they’ve caused…and that, for me, takes a long time because I get hurt by others actions easily.  I try to see the good in everyone and if they’ve gone and done something to offend/upset/hurt me (intentional or not), it takes a lot for me to switch off the hurt.  Admittedly, I am getting better at both keeping my distance from people, and at moving on, but it isn’t (and will never be) an overnight process.  I think holding grudges is a waste of time and something I moved on from doing in high school, but I also think forgiving and forgetting is a recipe for more pain down the track.

That being said, if one of my close friends does something wrong, I am all about forgiving and forgetting.  It takes a lot for me to consider someone a close friend, and for me to do that I have to trust them and their motives completely.  If they’ve fucked up, I always believe it wasn’t their intention and that if, given a second chance, they wouldn’t do it again.  I know that’s contradictory to my attitude towards everyone else, and can definitely lead to issues later on, but I’d like to think if I made mistakes they’d forgive me too.  That’s what friendship is, isn’t it?  Knowing the person well enough to give them extra chances?

-JD

3 thoughts on “I Can’t Stay Mad At You

  1. Humm…sounds sad, but I don’t get mad, or even, I refuse to be pulled into drama…there’s a great saying I heard many years ago, its an old polish saying and I have used it more than once…Not my Circus Not my Monkeys !!! If I make someone mad its without realizing and I immediately apologize as I have tired to keep peace with everyone I have in contact with…even my ex’s…LOL don’t get me wrong, I have had words with my ex’s but normally ended with resolution…I would rather give in and loose than fight…LOL….I have had to bite my tongue more than once, but instantly let it go….no time for it…I have been around women who thrive on drama….it takes way to much energy to do drama….I have always been the peace maker in the family..good post…made me stop and think….kat

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    1. I agree with staying away from drama. I try to but it always manages to find me. I have definitely cut out the more dramatic people in my life recently though. Certainly seems to have helped a little!

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      1. that’s okay I attract the strange…for example sitting in a bar, second level, looking over the balcony down at the front door…door opens the most tallest man I have ever seen walks in…he is in a suit, long silky hair, the entire room is looking at him, he is definitely out of place…he scans the room, looks up our eyes meet and he never looks away and starts for my table up the stairs…my friend who was with me said…Oh great here comes another one….his name was David and he was a very nice man…but man was he tall…..LOL that just one…of a million….its getting better since I am getting older…my phermones are more under control…LOL but never drama…

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