I skipped yesterday. I’d like to say it was an accident but truthfully, it wasn’t. I had plenty of time to do it, but I just didn’t want to sit there and write that I had a lazy day. That I could have gotten my exercise in but didn’t. That I fed myself excuse after excuse about why I shouldn’t go yet until – oops – it’s nighttime. I know one day isn’t going to matter so much and I sound like I’m being really harsh on myself but I know if I’m not, that everything will just slip back into the way it was. I can’t afford for that to happen. Part of me wants it to…a rather large part some days…but I don’t want to be known as the ‘fat friend’ forever. It sucks. Only I have the power to change that, I know that, but some days it’s just so hard to find motivation and energy to keep going.
I think a lot of the problem is, my weight isn’t changing. I mean, it isn’t going up so that’s good, but the whole point is I want it to go down. It’s been 3 weeks and I’ve only lost a kilo. I’m fairly certain I’ve lost centimetres from my stomach, but because I didn’t think to measure before this started, I’m constantly doubting it. I think I’m just at that kind of crossroad that inevitably happens when I try to diet. Each time before this, I’ve always thrown in the towel at this point. I certainly am on the boarderline of it now. My carefully planned meals are slowly sneaking back to unhealthy options, my exercise is once again a chore…it’s certainly not a great headspace to be in. I’m not giving in though. I’ve come this far – further than pretty much any of my other attempts – and I know this all has to be helping my body in some way. If nothing else, it’s stopping me from binging on junk food and making it worse…at best, it’s making me fitter and healthier.
Anyway, yesterday, as I said, was a lazy day. I caught up on people’s blogs for a few hours, sat in the sun, watched TV. Found out at dinnertime that there was a second season of Finding Carter that I never knew about (one of the pitfalls of living in Australia. Everything is delayed. I thought Foxtel had began rectifying the issue but apparently not). I tracked down the episodes and watched four or five of them before bed. Fell asleep to Inside Out (such a fantastic movie. Oh how I love anything Pixar!).
Woke up this morning feeling guilty as hell about yesterday and telling myself that no matter what happens, I’m going for my walk today. I wasn’t going to let myself give up. The first thing I did was check my weather app, which told me it was going to be humid by lunchtime and then a good chance of rain all afternoon. Right, morning walk it is then! I got up, watched a couple more episodes of FC, then headed out. It was another one of those days where I hated every step. One of those days where you just want it to end before it’s even started. I guess I should have expected it…it was windy, overcast, I felt guilty for not going yesterday, plus my body was probably feeling the affects of that too. I got home, only to find out my Apple Watch had only logged half the walk. Still not sure why. I didn’t do anything differently and it’s never done it before. Very annoying though, as I love looking back at my records when I need motivation, and now today’s looks like I didn’t get my exercise in when I did. *sigh* That’s technology for ya.
I finished watching the rest of FC once I got home, then had a nap. Woke up with a splitting headache and neck pain (though the neck pain is basically constant these days). I took some pain killers and ran a bath. I’m feeling okay now, though I can tell the migraine is still there, just hidden away under the effects of the medication. I really wish I wasn’t so prone to them. I’ve had them regularly ever since I was a kid. They got worse when my eyesight started getting weaker, slightly improved once I got glasses, and now they’re back to being at least once a week, sometimes more. Plus on top of that is this near-constant neck pain. Once I get back on my feet financially again, I’m going to have to book myself into the osteotherapist. I used to go a year or two back and they did help a bit, though I was going mostly for my back and shoulder pain (I’ve also got scoliosis, though it hadn’t bothered me too much for awhile now). If only the sessions didn’t cost a small fortune, I’d go regularly.
Now I’m sitting here, waiting for the storms to come. No rain at all as yet (thanks a lot weather app!) but the skies are finally getting darker and I think I’ll see some lightning tonight. I love storms. I love the craziness of them, the noise, the flashes of light, the sleeting rain. Ever since I was little I’d hang out for them. I’m glad my dog is okay with them…one of the dogs I grew up with hated them and would bark continuously until it was over. That kind of ruined the magic of them a little bit.
Hope y’all had a productive day!