#loveme challenge – Day Eight

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I missed doing this for a couple of days but I’m just going to pick up where I left off instead of doing a mass catch up.

Day 8 – “Share a Scar”.

I’ve got a scar on the back of my hand that I’ve had for two and a half years now.  I got it from when my little 12-week-old puppy got a little too playful and scratched me.  When people say that puppies have sharp claws, they ain’t lying.  I love having this scar as it’s like a little permanent reminder of my bestest furry friend.  She’s still as playful as she was back then, but luckily her claws aren’t as sharp!

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#loveme challenge – Day Seven

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Day Seven – “One Thing that Is Just For You”.

Wow.  This is probably the toughest one yet.  I’m not sure if it means an object or a habit/action.  I’m guessing because this whole challenge is based around positive thoughts and acknowledging the good, it’s probably the latter.  I’m not sure encouraging materialism is all that positive (though I don’t care what anyone says, having a shiny new gadget is a great feeling!).

So, one thing I do just for me.  I guess I only have one thing I can put in here right now.  Given the no income issue, almost all the stuff I’d usually do regularly (going to the cinemas, eating out, going for long drives etc) aren’t feasible.  I have kept up one creature comfort, however, and that’s getting my nails done.  I only started doing this six months ago (although I had wanted to try it for a long while).  I know it might seem crazy to sink $50 into it every 3-4 weeks when I don’t have a job and rarely leave the house (save for going to job interviews and walking the dog around the neighborhood) but honestly, I love having them on and it makes me feel like I have control over at least some of my body and how it looks.  It also helps with my eczema – even though they’re quite long, fakies are also really dull and makes it harder to scratch yourself stupid.  Prior to getting them done, it wasn’t uncommon for me to wake up with scratch marks on my face like I’d been the victim of an attack.  I had been…an attack of being itchy my sleep.  Now, I never wake up like that because I physically can’t do that much damage.

I love all the different options you have with them, in terms of colours and shapes and length.  I’m a sucker for sparkles and I love how well-done they always turn out.  I also think (or maybe use as an excuse) that it makes me look more professional in job interviews.  It makes me appear more well-presented, and gives them a little taste of my personality, which doesn’t usually shine too brightly in such a formal, awkward environment.

Before you start, I know how bad it is for my nails.  They’re paperthin and brittle as hell, which kind of sucks because before this all started, I had really strong nails.  Part of me thinks after I get them done “this will be the last time, I won’t redo them after this” but I inevitably do.  I enjoy them too much, it’s helping with my skin condition and – honestly – I’m dreading having to go through the brittle-nail phase.  I know if and when I stop getting them done, my nails will eventually grow stronger and back to normal, but the in-between phase isn’t going to be fun.  So I keep going back and redoing them, putting off the inevitable.  #procrastinator4lyf

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-JD

#loveme challenge – Day Six

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Day Six – “A Letter to Your Future Self”.

Hi me!
Well, it’s your thirtieth birthday.  Congratulations, you didn’t die!  That’s definitely a plus!  I’ll be honest, 30 sounds like so long away that it blows my mind.  It’s actually less than five years away.  Seems like only yesterday I was 20, so really, it isn’t that far off.  I guess you already know that though, huh?
There are so many uncertainties in my life right now.  Where have you wound up?  Are you enjoying your work?  Have you met anyone?  Are kids on the horizon?  I hope so.  I know right now kids are something I envision in the future.  Is that still a dream for you?
Right now, as I said, things are pretty up in the air.  I’m going through one of the toughest times in my life so far, something I hope never to have to repeat again.  Do me a favour and have a look around.  You’re probably in your own house, your (hopefully) employed and maybe you’ve even got a partner.  No matter what else is happening, realize that you’ve got it good.  You have a tendency of letting yourself be dragged down by small things – don’t!  You have so much to be thankful for, so step back and smile.
How’s your weight going?  I hope the hard work I’m putting in now has worked, and lasted.  If it has, go us!  If it hasn’t, now is the time to try again.  It isn’t fun but we can’t be unhealthy forever.
Did you wind up going back to uni?  I know I’m considering it right now.  I don’t know what to study, but it’s on my mind.  Tell me, did I (finally) chose to study something worthwhile?  Something that lead to a career you love?  If it didn’t, it’s not too late to find something you do!  I know 30 may seem too old to change, and you’re probably comfortable in the job you’re in, but you’ve made that mistake once before.  Don’t let it happen again!  Break the cycle!
How’s the dog going?  I hope she’s still happy, healthy and playful.  She’s helped you get through a lot, so give her an extra hug.  She deserves it!
Most of all, never forget the struggles you’ve gone through and the people who helped you through them.  This has all shaped you into who you are.  If you haven’t spoken to these people in awhile, grab the phone and do it.  I’m sure they’ll be happy you did!
Love from 2015,
Me!

#loveme challenge – Day Five

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Day Five – “A Note to Your Past Self”.

Hmmm.  This is vague.  Interesting, but vague.  Who do I write to?  My five-year-old self that was obsessed with Barbies and the colour orange?  My nine-year-old self who was absolutely convinced she’d become an artist when she grew up?  My twelve-year-old self, in the cusp of puberty and extremely embarrassed by it all?  So many options.

Dear my sixteen-year-old self.
Hi.  I know it’s hard to believe I’m writing to you from the future.  I’m 25 now.  Seems crazy right?  25, the time you assumed that you’d have it all together.  Well, unfortunately you don’t.  No partner, no job, renting (don’t be mad, I know you swore you’d never get stuck the rent trap but you also know how badly you needed to move out of the parentals place.  Trust me, this isn’t so bad), still not sure what you want to do with your life.  But you know what?  A lot of 25-year-olds are in the same situation.  It’s scary, but it’s not so bad.  I know to you, 25 seems so far away, but it isn’t.  It’ll come faster than you think.
I know right now you’re going through some stuff.  You feel alone.  You aren’t.  Sixteen is a tough year for most people.  Don’t let it get you down.  Enjoy yourself.  I know the teachers at school are all about you “knuckling down” and suggesting you “think about your future”.  I know the tests are getting harder, the lessons are getting more serious.  Don’t worry about it.  Just do your best, but don’t let it wear you down.  There’s more important things than the result of some quiz.  Go out more with your friends.  Spend more time with your dogs.  Buy stupid things.  Quit that awful job.  Don’t let yourself get stressed out and depressed.  Everything will work out.
That boy you think you’re in love with…let him go.  He’s not right for you and not interested in you.  You pretending to enjoy sport isn’t going to get you anywhere.  Don’t let him hurt you, you’re worth more than that.  It’s okay to be alone, even if the whole world seems to believe otherwise.
It’s okay to be emo.  It’s okay to enjoy it.  If it makes you happy, just do it.  It won’t last forever.  At 25, you can’t do stuff like that any more.  Enjoy these phases while you can, it’ll make for more interesting stories later on.
Don’t listen to your mum or anyone else who says you’re fat.  You aren’t.  You may not be the skinniest person in your year level but you are not overweight.  Don’t throw in the towel and think it’s okay to eat bad food all the time.  It will catch up with you!
The most important piece of advise I’ve got – more important than anything else I’ve mentioned – is to be yourself.  I know at 16, it’s all about peer pressure and fitting in, but almost all the people you associate with now, you won’t remain friends with in a few years.  Hard to believe, I know, but it’s true.  People grow up, go separate ways, don’t have time to organise catch ups.  Don’t worry what they think.  Don’t pretend you enjoy things that you don’t, don’t spend time with people you dislike.  It’s okay to go against the crowd sometimes, but it’s also perfectly fine to go with it (which I know you struggle with).  Sometimes, the crowd is right.  You don’t have to constantly be at war with “the man”.  Pick your fights.
Anyway, hope school isn’t too tough for you today!  Chin up soldier!

-JD

#loveme challenge – Day Four


Day Four – “A Person who Loves You”.

This is an interesting one because normally, you’d expect it to be “a person you love”, which is easy.  There are a few people I could go with, but I think the most suitable option is the person who got me into blogging, and who is probably my oldest friend.

CJ is someone I’ve known since…well, pretty much forever. Our families grew up together and we’d hang out together as kids. I remember way back in the day we went on a nature hike somewhere (back then it felt like it was hours away, though I have a sneaking suspicion it probably wasn’t) and another time, we all went bike riding then had a barbecue afterwards.
Despite all that, it wasn’t until about 2009 we actually started hanging out away from “family gatherings”.


Since then, we’ve worked on films together, roadtripped together, travelled together and – up until very recently – worked together.  She’s the closest thing to a big sister I’ve ever had and although we’re been through some rough patches (especially recently) we’ve always forgiven each other and not let it get us down.

I guess the point of today’s challenge isn’t walking down memory lane, though.  Given it’s “a person who loves you” and this whole challenge us about being positive, I think I’m supposed to explain how I know she loves me.

I guess it comes down to one thing – she’s always there for me.  She’s helped me through so many rough patches in these past six years, she’s there to celebrate wins and commiserate losses.  She’s my voice of reason when I’m gonna do something dumb.  Even in the moments I took her for granted or let my emotions get in the way of my common sense, she’s stuck by me.  She knows that even if I fuck up, that it wasn’t my intention, and she’s there to help me through it.  Just like any sisters, there are things we do that drive the other insane, but we see through it and gently remind them to knock it off.

I honestly couldn’t imagine my life without her, and it makes me sad that I won’t see her as much now we aren’t colleagues any more, but I know she’s always just a phone call away 😊

– JD

PS, check out her blog.

#loveme challenge – Day Three

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Day Three – “A Word that Describes You”.

Hmmm.  I initially wanted to go with stubborn, but given that this is supposed to be a positive exercise and my stubbornness has often gotten me in trouble I’m going to go with a different word instead.

Loyal.

I’m fiercely loyal.  I stand by the people I care about through thick and thin.  I’m that person who checks up on you twenty-five times after you’ve gone through something bad, just to make sure you aren’t putting on a front or things haven’t suddenly gone downhill.  I’m the person who will defend you in your absence, even if it gets me in more trouble.  I’m not afraid to let you know I care.  It’s common for me to send random texts or even handwrite letters detailing my thoughts about how much I care.  Some people don’t know how to take it, but I’d rather make someone a little uncomfortable than for something to happen to me and them never know how I felt.  I think this is important – for me especially – because I’m not the touchy-feely type, and I feel like people think because of that I’m cold and indifferent to them, which isn’t correct at all.

On the flip side, if you wrong me or stab me in the back (which has happened more often than I’d like to admit in the past twelve months), I will never trust you, and never defend you.  I don’t have time for people like that.  I’m a very trusting person by nature, and it really hurts when you haven’t done anything to someone (well, nothing you’re aware of) and out of the blue, they basically give the middle finger to your friendship.  From my experience, it’s because if they do that, they gain some advantage – in their career, in other friendships.  I don’t care what the advantage is, backstabbing a friend is unforgivable.  I guess I find it so heinous because of my loyalty, and because I’d never even consider doing that.  If someone has done something to offend or upset me, I want to talk it out, or ignore it for a little while until the hurt passes, then go back to normal.  I would never throw someone under a bus out of anger or for gain.  I couldn’t sleep at night if I did.

Anyway, that’s why I picked loyalty.  It’s a trait of mine I hold above pretty much anything else, and I wouldn’t change it for the world.

-JD

#loveme Challenge – Day Two

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So, today is “photo of you” day.  I find I can be most honest when I’m anonymous so instead of posting a current picture, I’m going to post one from when I was little.  This one has always been a favourite of mine.  My mum hates it because of the eczema on my face but I don’t even see that.  I’ve struggled with eczema all my life and it’s just part of me.  It seems like an appropriate picture to post as part of this challenge!

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#loveme challenge – Day One

  I’m not usually one to do challenges but I like the idea of this one.  Partly, because I (like most women) rarely acknowledge the stuff about myself I do like, and am over critical about the stuff I don’t.  I also like this as I think it shines a light mental health and how easy it is to fall into hating yourself.
The big reason I’m doing this, though, is because now I’m on the “weight loss train”, I think it’s time to help myself accept the things I can’t change.  Oh sure, a smaller stomach and a fitter lifestyle is achievable, but there are things about myself (physically and mentally) that won’t change no matter what I eat or how hard I work out.

That being said, however, I’m quite a negative person in general. I don’t know when that started. I remember back in high school I’d get comments on how positive I was.  I guess getting treated poorly in the workforce, suffering loss and generally just letting life wear me down is what caused it.  I feel that by having to sit down and do this challenge, it will force me to think more positively.  And anything that can do that is worth doing!

-JD