#loveme challenge – Day Twenty-One

IMG_0546-2

Day 21 – Something You Are Proud Of

I’m proud of surviving through this year.  I’ve had a really tough one – the toughest one of my life by far – and now that I’m finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, I can look back and say that I did well to handle everything as well as I did.  I had moments of weakness (a lot of them), but I also had moments where I proved to myself I’m stronger than I give myself credit for.  I feel like this year has forced me to grow up a lot, and to see things differently.  I have a newfound respect for my job and how important it is because I now appreciate how much it sucks to be job hunting.  I’ve had two cancer scares in my family, I had my first accident that was my fault, I had my first wisdom tooth removed, I had my first episode of sciatica (nobody realizes how much we take moving without pain for granted until they can’t do it!), I lost a lot of friends who I thought I could trust but they stabbed me in the back, I lost out on seeing the guy I like every day because he got a new job.  The list goes on.  It seriously has felt like all this year has dished out for me is blow after blow, and you know what?  I’m still standing.  I might be scarred and battered from it all, but I’m doing okay.  And okay is probably the best possible outcome I could hope for after all this.  Some days are tough, and some – like today – are wonderful.  It’s nice to finally have a good day.  It’s like a rainbow after a storm.  I know now that I’ve survived all this, I can survive anything!

11930911_10152995420915776_5705447624551626592_o

Time to Change – Day Fourteen

Today was a good day.  There’s nothing quite like the anticipation of a beautiful, warm spring day, especially after a cold winter.  I won’t go into too much detail, as I already talked about it here.  It really put me in a good headspace, which after putting weight back on wasn’t exactly where I was at yesterday.

I woke up at 6am after a crappy sleep again.  My neck was sore from all the tossing and turning I’d done, and I’d had weird dreams with a Vanessa Carlton backing track (true story).  Normally after a night like that, it completely throws out my day as I struggle to shake off the grumpiness.  I don’t do well when I’m tired.  However, I knew I needed to shake it off and get my head in the game if I had any chance of dropping the weight I’d put back on.  Instead of going back to sleep like my eyes were pleading me to do, I got up, pulled on my shoes and took the dog for her walk.  The temperature was supposed to be really warm and I didn’t want to fall back asleep and wake up when it was too hot to go.

unnamed

The other reason I made myself go so early was because I knew at some point, this would probably have to become the norm for me, once I start working again.  As much as I don’t like that idea (especially because it will probably be right on dawn as it’ll be daylight savings), I’ve done it before, a few years ago when I lived in an apartment that backed onto a beautiful lake and walking track.  I’d get up before work, pull on my Nikes and do a full loop of the track (being extremely careful to give the angry geese a wide berth…those things were terrifying!).  I really miss that walking track, it was always so peaceful and beautiful.  I lived there prior to getting my dog, and I know it’s absolutely out of the question to have stayed there with her.  Still, pictures like this come up in my Timehop and my heart sinks just a little bit.

IMG_0621 IMG_0622 IMG_0623

No filter needed!  Still, the estate I’m in now isn’t without it’s charms and it doesn’t have any crazy geese.  None that I’ve run into yet, anyway!

Anyway, I digress.  What was I talking about?  Oh right.  So the early morning walk went well.  It was a beautiful day.  The sun was already out but it hadn’t started warming up too much.  It was windy, but nothing out of the ordinary.  My nan refers to the area as “the windiest place on Earth”…while she has a knack for exaggerating, it’s hard to find a day where there isn’t a strong breeze.  By the last kilometre, my legs were really sore…a lot more than usual.  I suspect it was because when I go for my walks later in the day my muscles have had a chance to stretch and warm up a bit prior…they didn’t get that chance today and it never occurred to me to stretch before I go.  I know you’re technically supposed to do it before any exercise but a light walk is hardly what anyone would call strenuous.  Lesson learnt.

The rest of today was spent reading other people’s blogs, soaking in the tub, enjoying the fresh air and watching the season finale of “Finding Carter”.  It’s not often I get into shows like that (they’re so American and the cast is always so goddamn beautiful it’s painful to watch) but the storyline of this really sucked me in and the plot twists were fantastic.  So now I’m left hanging and already dying for it to come back…which is why I don’t let myself watch shows like this.  Ah well.

I feel like I haven’t eaten the best today but MyFitnessPal seems to say I’m tracking okay, both calorie-wise and in terms of my carbs/fats/protein portions.  I’m going to give it an even better go tomorrow, now that I’ve eaten through a majority of the junk food that was leftover from when my friend was here.  Time to get serious about shifting the weight again.  I’ll probably go for another early walk tomorrow as it’s gonna be pretty warm again.  Plus, getting it out the way before breakfast leaves the day wide open to enjoy, instead of putting it off and procrastinating.

Hope everyone else enjoyed the weather like I did!

-JD

#loveme challenge – Day Nine

IMG_0546-0

Day 9 – “Share Something Beautiful”

unnamed

The weather right now.  It’s 9.14am and just over 20 degrees.  The sky is a glorious blue, the grass is a vibrant green and summer is fast on it’s way.  I’ve already had my walk for today to avoid the heat (the top is going to be 30 degrees, which is the warmest it’s been in about six months).  This afternoon I’ll probably go and read outside.  Yep, today is going to be one of those beautiful days that you spend all winter longing for!

-JD

#loveme challenge – Day Eight

IMG_0546-0

I missed doing this for a couple of days but I’m just going to pick up where I left off instead of doing a mass catch up.

Day 8 – “Share a Scar”.

I’ve got a scar on the back of my hand that I’ve had for two and a half years now.  I got it from when my little 12-week-old puppy got a little too playful and scratched me.  When people say that puppies have sharp claws, they ain’t lying.  I love having this scar as it’s like a little permanent reminder of my bestest furry friend.  She’s still as playful as she was back then, but luckily her claws aren’t as sharp!

IMG_0612IMG_0614

Time to Change – Day Thirteen

So, I fell off the wagon.  Instead of going out to eat a few days ago, we made the mistake of going to the supermarket when hungry and when my friend was going through a rough point in her life.  We bought too much junk and she stayed over for a couple of days, and between bad food and alcohol, I’m almost back to where I started (though not quite thankfully).

I’m back on the diet and exercise now, and I’m even more determined this time.  Now that I know how easy it is to give in to temptation, I’m going to do even more to avoid it.  I made sure I went for my walk today even though it was warmer than it has been in a very long time, and I’ve stayed under my calorie limit by a fair bit today.  I also made sure I focused mainly on protein to make up for the extra fat and carbs I’ve eaten over the past couple of days.

I’m also going to make sure I write as much as possible – it was very easy to allow myself to fall off the wagon when I wasn’t writing because I didn’t have to acknowledge it.  It was like slipping straight back into my old habits, and while it tasted amazing, putting weight back on that it’d started to shift didn’t taste as good.

I got some good news yesterday – I’ve most likely landed a full time job in a fancy new store.  I’ll get a definite answer yes or no early next week, but I’m so happy about it.  I was glad I was offered something last week but I was nervous it was only a casual job.  A full time job is ideally what I need as it’s guaranteed hours, which I need to make sure I can pay my rent and bills!

Tomorrow’s temperature is supposed to be even warmer than today so I’ll be going for my walk early.  Not ideal to start a new job all sunburnt!  I’m also going to keep planning my meals in advance.  I’m not going to let a couple of bad days drag me down!

-JD

Time to Change – Day Ten

Well, I’ve officially hit double digits in my challenge!  I’m feeling really good today, much better than I have for a little while.  I think the healthy eating and regular exercise are starting to help, I feel cleaner and healthier than I have in awhile.  It’s a weird feeling to describe, but I guess my body was so used to junk that I didn’t know any better.

I went for my walk nice and early today, and it was perfect weather for it.  Cool but not cold, overcast so the sun wasn’t burn-y, a slight breeze.  For the first time in four days, I enjoyed the exercise instead of just doing it because I knew it had to be done.

I got some cleaning done today too, which for me, is no small fete.  I fucking HAAAAATE cleaning.  Like, I’ll avoid it at all costs, even if it means I’m surrounded by grossness.  People ask me how I can stand it.  Honestly, I just don’t really notice it.  I know that must sound crazy to most people, but it really doesn’t concern me at all.  Safe to say, if I was a sims character, I’d have the “slob” trait.  So for me to feel motivated enough to clean is saying something.

I guess I feel so good today because when I stepped on the scales this morning, I was officially under 91kgs!  Not by much, but still!  I’ve almost lost a kilo, and although it’s definitely a slower process than I’d like, at least all my determination and hard work is finally starting to reflect on the scales a little bit.  Next aim is to officially be out of the 90s, which is something I haven’t been in at least a year (possibly two).  I’m so close, I’m sure I can manage it!

The other reason I’m feeling good right now is that I signed my contract for my new job today.  Like I mentioned yesterday, it’s not the ideal job, but after hunting and being knocked back over and over again, it’s finally nice to know someone wants to give me a chance.  I dealt with the Regional Manager for both my interview and again today, and she’s one of the loveliest people I’ve met in a long time, all smiles and compliments that you can tell are actually genuine.  I’ve had a very different experience with Regional managers prior to this, so I’m looking forward to the new change.

I’m picking up my best friend tonight and we’ll probably wind up eating out.  This is going to be my first big cheat meal since I started this, and while part of me is concerned I’ll fall off the wagon afterwards, I’m determined not to.  Like I said in one of my first posts, my rule isn’t “absolutely no junk ever” – I’m just going to have it sparingly, and when I’m out.  After 10 days of eating healthy, I know one meal isn’t going to hurt too much.  Plus, I’ve allowed for it by having smaller meals earlier today and leaving more calories left over for tonight.  No guarantees I’ll stay under my daily limit, but hopefully I won’t completely blow it out either.

Hopefully y’all had a great day too!
-JD

#loveme challenge – Day Six

img_0546

Day Six – “A Letter to Your Future Self”.

Hi me!
Well, it’s your thirtieth birthday.  Congratulations, you didn’t die!  That’s definitely a plus!  I’ll be honest, 30 sounds like so long away that it blows my mind.  It’s actually less than five years away.  Seems like only yesterday I was 20, so really, it isn’t that far off.  I guess you already know that though, huh?
There are so many uncertainties in my life right now.  Where have you wound up?  Are you enjoying your work?  Have you met anyone?  Are kids on the horizon?  I hope so.  I know right now kids are something I envision in the future.  Is that still a dream for you?
Right now, as I said, things are pretty up in the air.  I’m going through one of the toughest times in my life so far, something I hope never to have to repeat again.  Do me a favour and have a look around.  You’re probably in your own house, your (hopefully) employed and maybe you’ve even got a partner.  No matter what else is happening, realize that you’ve got it good.  You have a tendency of letting yourself be dragged down by small things – don’t!  You have so much to be thankful for, so step back and smile.
How’s your weight going?  I hope the hard work I’m putting in now has worked, and lasted.  If it has, go us!  If it hasn’t, now is the time to try again.  It isn’t fun but we can’t be unhealthy forever.
Did you wind up going back to uni?  I know I’m considering it right now.  I don’t know what to study, but it’s on my mind.  Tell me, did I (finally) chose to study something worthwhile?  Something that lead to a career you love?  If it didn’t, it’s not too late to find something you do!  I know 30 may seem too old to change, and you’re probably comfortable in the job you’re in, but you’ve made that mistake once before.  Don’t let it happen again!  Break the cycle!
How’s the dog going?  I hope she’s still happy, healthy and playful.  She’s helped you get through a lot, so give her an extra hug.  She deserves it!
Most of all, never forget the struggles you’ve gone through and the people who helped you through them.  This has all shaped you into who you are.  If you haven’t spoken to these people in awhile, grab the phone and do it.  I’m sure they’ll be happy you did!
Love from 2015,
Me!

Time to Change – Day Eight

Today was hard.  I don’t know why specifically.  I just felt extremely unmotivated.  All I wanted was a pizza and to sleep on the couch.  Honestly, I was close to doing just that.  Previously, I most likely would have.  I decided I wasn’t going to fall into that trap again though.  I’ve come this far, and this will no doubt be the first of many “low days”, and I had to find a way to get through them.  It was time to dig deep and find the self-control and self-motivation that, up until a week ago, I didn’t have much of.

I ate an okay breakfast (although I traded vegemite for honey) and a high protein lunch and dinner.  I also made sure I went on my daily walk, even though I really wanted to bail on it.  I even went so far as to say “it’s Sunday, I can rest today”.  While having a rest day wouldn’t hurt, I knew if I started giving into my pathetic excuses, it would snowball as always.  Plus, my dog was giving me her puppy eyes and I couldn’t tell her that I couldn’t be bothered.

The walk seemed tougher than usual too.  I think it was because it was quite a warm day and I was already feeling pretty flat.  The reason why I like walks so much (apart from the fact they make my doggy happy and I get a tan at the same time) is that once you start, you have to keep going no matter what, or you’ll be stranded.  It’s easy to throw in the towel with exercise equipment because you haven’t actually gone anywhere.  If you’re on a walk, it’s either keep going or sit on the side of the road until you decide to keep going.  It means I’m not risking my self-motivation giving out, and it usually does.  I know for a fact it would have today.

I hope tomorrow is a little easier.  Even if it isn’t, I got through today and I’m sure I can do it again tomorrow.  It will all be worth it soon enough!

-JD

#loveme challenge – Day Three

img_0546

Day Three – “A Word that Describes You”.

Hmmm.  I initially wanted to go with stubborn, but given that this is supposed to be a positive exercise and my stubbornness has often gotten me in trouble I’m going to go with a different word instead.

Loyal.

I’m fiercely loyal.  I stand by the people I care about through thick and thin.  I’m that person who checks up on you twenty-five times after you’ve gone through something bad, just to make sure you aren’t putting on a front or things haven’t suddenly gone downhill.  I’m the person who will defend you in your absence, even if it gets me in more trouble.  I’m not afraid to let you know I care.  It’s common for me to send random texts or even handwrite letters detailing my thoughts about how much I care.  Some people don’t know how to take it, but I’d rather make someone a little uncomfortable than for something to happen to me and them never know how I felt.  I think this is important – for me especially – because I’m not the touchy-feely type, and I feel like people think because of that I’m cold and indifferent to them, which isn’t correct at all.

On the flip side, if you wrong me or stab me in the back (which has happened more often than I’d like to admit in the past twelve months), I will never trust you, and never defend you.  I don’t have time for people like that.  I’m a very trusting person by nature, and it really hurts when you haven’t done anything to someone (well, nothing you’re aware of) and out of the blue, they basically give the middle finger to your friendship.  From my experience, it’s because if they do that, they gain some advantage – in their career, in other friendships.  I don’t care what the advantage is, backstabbing a friend is unforgivable.  I guess I find it so heinous because of my loyalty, and because I’d never even consider doing that.  If someone has done something to offend or upset me, I want to talk it out, or ignore it for a little while until the hurt passes, then go back to normal.  I would never throw someone under a bus out of anger or for gain.  I couldn’t sleep at night if I did.

Anyway, that’s why I picked loyalty.  It’s a trait of mine I hold above pretty much anything else, and I wouldn’t change it for the world.

-JD

#loveme Challenge – Day Two

img_0546

So, today is “photo of you” day.  I find I can be most honest when I’m anonymous so instead of posting a current picture, I’m going to post one from when I was little.  This one has always been a favourite of mine.  My mum hates it because of the eczema on my face but I don’t even see that.  I’ve struggled with eczema all my life and it’s just part of me.  It seems like an appropriate picture to post as part of this challenge!

baby