Time to Change – Day Fifty-Two

Today was my first working day of the week, so I suppose that pretty much sums up how it went.  No, but honestly, it was average.  Since my car playing up on Saturday, I’m paranoid every time I have to drive it.  I mean, I know the occasional stall is hardly worth getting stressed over, but like I discussed previously, I know nothing about cars, so when something goes wrong, my brain goes into meltdown and I panic.  I can feel my car isn’t running like it should, but because I’m the only person who drives it regularly, I’m sure anyone else would think it’s nothing (like my dad).  Plus, on top of that, it seems to be sporadic in when it happens.  Yesterday it ran okay, this morning on the way to work I could feel it threatening to stall and not going into gear properly, on the way home it was fine again.  Very frustrating, mainly because I feel like even if I took it to get looked at, they probably wouldn’t fix it.  Meanwhile I’m expecting it to break down at any moment.

So yeah, that’s how my morning went.  I woke up, rushed around getting ready because they wanted me at work extra early today because there were a lot of changes happening, I ran out of time for breakfast so ate a donut instead (it was my one splurge at the grocery store and I knew I shouldn’t have grabbed it.  At the time I promised myself I’d eat it appropriately and in moderation.  Yeah, right.), got stuck in peak hour traffic (worse than normal) and on top of that, expected the car to crap out at every intersection and round about.

Stress.

Once I got to work, I started to calm down a little.  Everyone was in good moods, I got a free hot chocolate and I started to relax.  The day got a bit better from there.  It was busy and hot in store – as always – and at times I felt like I couldn’t catch my breath between customers, but I didn’t get yelled at and I learnt some stuff I’d previously not even bothered trying, so I think that made the chaos more bearable.

I finished the day slightly earlier than everyone (I have a good roster for the first couple of days of the week!).  We were supposed to have a work meeting that night, and honestly, I wasn’t going to go.  Don’t get me wrong, I know they’re important and in my last job, I think I missed maybe two or three meetings in five years, including when I was casual.  When I was in management, I got really annoyed when people didn’t show up for them.  However, I made a promise to myself as I started this job that I wasn’t going to let it burn me out, I wasn’t going to get taken advantage of, and I wasn’t going to hang around if I wasn’t getting paid.  This fell into the latter.  I don’t mind hanging around without pay occasionally, or if I think it’s going to be very beneficial.  The reasons I had not to go were solid: this isn’t my home store, I wasn’t getting paid (my shift finished at 5:45, the meeting wasn’t due to start until 6 and would most likely run until 7:30, and I live 45 mins away), I could find out all the information I missed tomorrow (although I think I heard a large portion of it this morning anyway), we had a meeting a fortnight ago that I attended without pay, and I’m just a trainee.  I know I’m a very advanced, competent trainee, but I don’t have set targets and I still ask for help a lot.  All this lead me to the conclusion that it wasn’t worth over 3 hours of my time without pay.  That’s what it comes down to…although I may not have had plans, I need to start valuing my downtime more.  I never did at my old job and it consumed me.  And for what?  I was still continuously overlooked for promotions and treated poorly.  I’m not suggesting that will happen again at this job, but I just need to work smarter, instead of burning myself out.  If I was getting paid then I probably would have gone to it, but given my new store is paying me out of their hours, there was no way they’d cover me for a different store’s meeting, even if everyone at that store was getting paid (I’m not sure if they were or not).

I got home earlier than I normally would have, caught up on some of my recorded TV shows and had dinner – Lite n Easy Beef Tortellini.  Once again, a really nice meal, though probably not quite filling enough.  This is the first one I’ve felt that about.  That being said, I’ve been hungry all day.  It’s been one of those days, really.  I ate crap for breakfast, healthy for lunch, snacked on little chocolate bars that were up for grabs at work, then ate dinner and another donut (they’re all gone now, thankfully, so I can’t be tempted by them any more!).  I really didn’t do too well with my healthy eating today, but I’m trying not to let it bother me.  It’s a process, I have to keep reminding myself of that.  Some days are going to be bad and full of weakness, and some are going to be great.  It’s all about breaking habits, and it’s a gradual thing.  Some people might be able to go cold turkey, but I can’t.  As long as slowly, there are more good days replacing bad ones, then it’s working.  I’ll get there.  I just have to really focus on making each day better than the last, and making better choices.

After dinner, I had a long soak in the bath and caught up on everyone’s latest blog posts.  I love reading everyone’s updates and stories.  There’s so many talented people on here!

After I got out, I finally finished washing the rest of the dishes that had piled up, and I cleaned up the mess that had gathered on the dining table, mostly just stuff I’d neglected to put away.  When I sat down afterwards, I realized I was still hungry.  God, how is that even possible?  Still, I knew I needed to snack on something or it’d just get worse.  I decided to have Savoy crackers and lite peanut butter, and that seemed to do the trick (finally!).  I really like this snack, so I think I’m going to try to replace some potentially bad choices with this option in the future.

I’m back at work early tomorrow, but get to leave the same time again, which is awesome.  I’ve got my inspection Thursday, so I have to finish cleaning tomorrow night.  I think I’ve spread it out over the last few days well though, so all that’s left is vacuuming (there was no point doing it earlier than the night before as my dog sheds continuously), cleaning the sliding door window (again, no point doing it earlier as my dog jumps on it with dirty paws when I get home each day) and wiping down the stove and benches.  I also have to tidy up my room and bathroom but that can be done Thursday morning.  Otherwise, my house is pretty neat as it is, thanks to the work I’ve put in.  Like I’ve mentioned previously, I hate cleaning, so for me, this is quite an accomplishment.  Now I just have to try to keep it this neat!

I hope your day was as productive as mine 🙂

-JD

“When You Are Feeling Blue, What Will Turn That Frown Upside Down?”

When I’m feeling upset, these are a few things that always make me feel a bit better:

  • Have a long, hot bath.  This is always my first point of call.  About a year ago, I rekindled my love of baths and now I try to have them 3-4 times a week in replace of showers.  Initially, I started having baths as my eczema was the worst it had been since I was a kid and soaking in bath oil helped.  I still add the bath oil (as the hot water definitely dries out my skin), but now I have baths for relaxation more than medical reasons.  I’ll sometimes blog or surf Tumblr or listen to music.  Often I’ll read.  There’s just something about the warmth that helps everything seem a little better.
    the-honest-company-bubble-bath
  • Write.  Sometimes the best way to feel better is to let it out, and the best way for me to let it out is to vent onto a word document.  I’ll often start it like I’m writing a letter to the person who’s upset me (if that’s why I’m upset), and then I’ll just let my fingers type whatever crosses my mind.  I average about 1-2 pages, and I find it often helps me to pinpoint why I’m so upset and get my thoughts in order.  I always save the document so I can look back on it later on and realize how far I’ve come.
    typing-on-keyboard
  • Cry.  I’m a big advocate of crying.  Sometimes, you just need to crawl under a blanket and let it all out.  I always feel worse and more stressed if I’m holding in my emotions, and I always feel a lot better after I release it.
    mom-cries
  • Talking.  Similar to writing, sometimes I just need to vent.  I don’t mind showing weaknesses and letting my guard down around certain people.  Those same people are the ones I always want their input about situations in anyway, so it makes sense to explode on them a little.  I think they’re used to it by now!
    BA2B9E Female Friends Having Lunch Together At The Mall
  • Junk Food.  Not an ideal solution but sugary, fatty foods always make bad things seem a little less painful.  Ice cream, donuts, fries and cookie dough is the top of my list.  And chocolate.  Always chocolate.
    junk-food1
  • Music.  If I can find a song that relates or fits my situation, it will be put on repeat over and over until I’m thoroughly sick of it.  There’s nothing quite like an artist putting your pain into words and over a backing track.
    png_man_hearing_music_by_selenator003_by_selenator003-d5mt0kk
  • Go for a Walk.  This is the newest one on my list.  Depending on the weather and what the problem I’m facing is, sometimes fresh air and exercise help to take my mind off the problem, or allow myself time to think the problem through.  There’s nothing quite like the feeling of warm sunshine and a light breeze to lessen the pain!
    strolling country girl

What ways do you make your bad days better?

I found this prompt here, along with heaps of others!