Time to Change – Day Fifty-Three

Before I talk about my day, I just want to say a massive thank you to all the people that take the time to read this blog, comment, like and basically just show their support.  I’ve hit four big milestones all at once: 500 likes, 100 followers, 100 blog posts and 1000 views.  All within the last three days.  I know that doesn’t seem like much compared to other people’s blogs, but keep in mind I only started this three months ago.  I think that’s pretty awesome!  So thanks guys.  Your support means a lot to me!

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Anyway, today went better than yesterday in pretty much every way.  Although I struggled to get out of bed (the struggle seems to get worse every morning!), I managed to get into the car by 8, and thankfully the traffic was pretty good today, unlike yesterday where it was the worst it’s been in a couple of weeks.  I rocked up at 8.45, and despite being rostered to start at that time, I took the time to google ‘is it better to eat an unhealthy breakfast or none at all?’, the verdict being unhealthy trumps none.  So I took another five minutes to grab an apple and cinnamon muffin from the closest coffee shop, then headed into work.  As expected, nobody even noticed I was technically five minutes late (I put this down to the fact that I’m not on their roster so they just trust that I’m rocking up and leaving when I’m supposed to).  The day wasn’t crazy busy like yesterday, so I felt more relaxed and got everything done I needed to, plus I learnt a few things I hadn’t managed to touch on yet.  That always makes me feel like the day was worth it, as I know soon enough I’ll be chucked into the deep end when I start at my “real” store.

I ate healthy at lunch, aside from a Coke Zero.  I’ve only had two soft drinks in the past two weeks, and while I know they’re bad, I think me going almost cold turkey on them is pretty impressive.  Six months ago, I would have Diet Coke at least once a day, sometimes more.  While I never felt addicted, I know when I initially stopped, I began getting migraines a lot more frequently.  I guess I was kind of addicted.  Since starting this diet journey, I’ve cut back a lot and honestly, I don’t miss it much.  I mean, I still love the taste and occasionally I crave them (like today), but mostly drinking water or milk satisfies me and I don’t really think about it.  The only reason I really craved it today was because two people at work got bottles at lunch and I was staring at them while I was on break.  Like I’ve spoken about previously, advertising is a lot more powerful than I realized.  All it takes is for me to see a logo at the wrong time and I really struggle.  I’m definitely getting better at fighting it and breaking habits though.  Every day I’m feeling stronger and fighting it is becoming easier.

As I left work, I was thinking about the advertising thing again.  As I walked through the carpark to my car, I could smell take away.  It smelt exactly like McDonalds (though I’m pretty sure it was actually coming from the Red Rooster nearby) and all I wanted right then and there was McNuggets and fries.  As I’d just been thinking about the whole advertising thing as this happened, I knew exactly why I’d been struggling so much these past few weeks.  I’m sure subconsciously each night after work I was smelling that smell and my brain suddenly wanted nothing more than my favourite junk food.  That alone wouldn’t matter, however the drive home requires me to drive past my usual Maccas pitstop, and it’s extremely difficult for me to control myself.  Tonight though, I did.  Tonight, despite having wicked cravings, I refused to give into them.  I knew breaking the habit required me to overcome this pattern, and I knew it had to start now.  And you know what?  Once I drove past, it quickly left my mind.  Despite knowing that there are Maccas everywhere – including 3kms from my house – once I went past my usual store, I no longer craved it.  It is all about habits, and I am starting to break this one.  I was extremely happy with myself.  Diet, 1, Junk Food, 0 (not counting the Coke at lunch…if it’s an constellation, it’s zero calories?  I know, I know, it’s still terrible for you.  But gimme a break).

Once I got home, I had to decide which Lite n Easy meal I was going to make.  This is a tough choice for someone so indecisive!  I finally landed on the “tortilla stack”, mostly out of curiosity.  I mean, I knew what they were, but this was one of my riskier choices as Mexican food is full of so many things I’m not generally a fan of.  My mind wasn’t put at ease once I’d zapped it microwave and pulled it out.  There were three kinds of beans, and some green vegetables that I didn’t recognise.  The old me probably would have said “nope!” and make spaghetti instead.  The new me said “fuck it, let’s do this” and I didn’t regret it.  It was delicious!  The beans didn’t have much taste (even the chickpeas were okay and I usually detest the yellow devils) and the sauce/salsa was awesome.  Plus, I really felt like I was eating healthy food.  I mean, I know that’s the whole idea behind LnE, but I could see the beans and veggies.  Needless to say, after five meals so far, I’m extremely impressed with the quality of the food this program offers.  For microwave food, it’s actually really great, and the variety is second to none.  Living by myself, I’d alternate between about four different dishes and that’s it.  There are only so many options that don’t require a lot of cooking (that results in leftovers for days) or crappy microwave meals.  While I know LnE is slightly more expensive than making dinner at home (okay, a fair bit more), I’m okay with the price knowing it’s healthy, it’s quick, it tastes great and it’s convenient.  And no, I’m not sponsored by them.  I wish I was.  Then I’d get it for free and I’d love that.  No such luck though!

After dinner, I spent a whole hour cleaning the house.  That is a long time for me, but I was in a good headspace tonight so it actually felt kind of good.  I vacuumed, and was amazed (as usual) at the amount of dog hair I got up.  Retrievers sure know how to drop hair!  I also cleaned up the backyard, wiped down the windows, cleaned the benches, put away the dishes and took out the rubbish.  I’m so domesticated!

Ha, not really.  But the house is looking pretty damn good.  I think the inspection should go okay tomorrow.  If it doesn’t, I’m not too concerned.  They can’t do very much…nothing is actually damaged, and given that, I’m sure if they find anything I can fix it up.

I’m in the city tomorrow for training.  My third round of this.  I did a whole day on the topic three weeks ago at induction, a refresh last week and now I have another whole day on it.  I’m all for learning new things, but I think a third day on the same stuff is a little overkill.  Oh well, nothing much I can do about it.  At least I’ll know all the answers!

I probably should wrap it up here.  It’s getting late and I have a few more things I tidy up before I leave tomorrow…and because I’m in the city, I have to leave earlier than usual.  I feel a long day coming on.  At least my step count will be higher thanks to public transport!

Have a great day tomorrow 🙂

-JD

Time to Change – Day Thirteen

So, I fell off the wagon.  Instead of going out to eat a few days ago, we made the mistake of going to the supermarket when hungry and when my friend was going through a rough point in her life.  We bought too much junk and she stayed over for a couple of days, and between bad food and alcohol, I’m almost back to where I started (though not quite thankfully).

I’m back on the diet and exercise now, and I’m even more determined this time.  Now that I know how easy it is to give in to temptation, I’m going to do even more to avoid it.  I made sure I went for my walk today even though it was warmer than it has been in a very long time, and I’ve stayed under my calorie limit by a fair bit today.  I also made sure I focused mainly on protein to make up for the extra fat and carbs I’ve eaten over the past couple of days.

I’m also going to make sure I write as much as possible – it was very easy to allow myself to fall off the wagon when I wasn’t writing because I didn’t have to acknowledge it.  It was like slipping straight back into my old habits, and while it tasted amazing, putting weight back on that it’d started to shift didn’t taste as good.

I got some good news yesterday – I’ve most likely landed a full time job in a fancy new store.  I’ll get a definite answer yes or no early next week, but I’m so happy about it.  I was glad I was offered something last week but I was nervous it was only a casual job.  A full time job is ideally what I need as it’s guaranteed hours, which I need to make sure I can pay my rent and bills!

Tomorrow’s temperature is supposed to be even warmer than today so I’ll be going for my walk early.  Not ideal to start a new job all sunburnt!  I’m also going to keep planning my meals in advance.  I’m not going to let a couple of bad days drag me down!

-JD

Time to Change – Day Eight

Today was hard.  I don’t know why specifically.  I just felt extremely unmotivated.  All I wanted was a pizza and to sleep on the couch.  Honestly, I was close to doing just that.  Previously, I most likely would have.  I decided I wasn’t going to fall into that trap again though.  I’ve come this far, and this will no doubt be the first of many “low days”, and I had to find a way to get through them.  It was time to dig deep and find the self-control and self-motivation that, up until a week ago, I didn’t have much of.

I ate an okay breakfast (although I traded vegemite for honey) and a high protein lunch and dinner.  I also made sure I went on my daily walk, even though I really wanted to bail on it.  I even went so far as to say “it’s Sunday, I can rest today”.  While having a rest day wouldn’t hurt, I knew if I started giving into my pathetic excuses, it would snowball as always.  Plus, my dog was giving me her puppy eyes and I couldn’t tell her that I couldn’t be bothered.

The walk seemed tougher than usual too.  I think it was because it was quite a warm day and I was already feeling pretty flat.  The reason why I like walks so much (apart from the fact they make my doggy happy and I get a tan at the same time) is that once you start, you have to keep going no matter what, or you’ll be stranded.  It’s easy to throw in the towel with exercise equipment because you haven’t actually gone anywhere.  If you’re on a walk, it’s either keep going or sit on the side of the road until you decide to keep going.  It means I’m not risking my self-motivation giving out, and it usually does.  I know for a fact it would have today.

I hope tomorrow is a little easier.  Even if it isn’t, I got through today and I’m sure I can do it again tomorrow.  It will all be worth it soon enough!

-JD

Time to Change – Day Four

Today was hard.  Not in the same sense as yesterday, which was where I felt exhausted and had a migraine…thankfully.  But the cravings started, which in some aspects, is worse.  Being tired and sore I can deal with, but cravings…those have always been my downfall.

It started off okay.  My usual eggs for breakfast, then off to a job interview.  On the way back I noticed I’d become hungry (a lot earlier than the past three days), but I tried to ignore it as it was still quite early.  The naughty thoughts started creeping in – “God what I wouldn’t give for a donut right now” (I don’t know what it is about donuts lately but I can’t get enough of them) – but it was easy enough to push away.  I came home and went on a 40 minute walk, refusing to believe I could actually be that hungry.  After I got back, I ate a healthy lunch, and for the moment it was fine.

By about 2pm, I was starving again, despite having a bigger lunch than the previous three days.  Again, I tried to ignore it, and got on with my day.  Another job interview.  I successfully ignored my hunger the whole way there and forgot about it during it.  On the way home the cravings came back with a vengeance – “I could just swing by Maccas, it’d be so easy!  Or I could pick up a pizza!” – and it took a lot of willpower not to do it, especially when I was stuck in peak hour traffic and my stomach was getting pretty annoyed at it’s lack of attention.

I ate dinner soon after I got home (about an hour ago now) and I’m hungry all over again.  I know this is just my body trying to adjust to not having stacks of calories and sugar, but man, it’s a horrible feeling to be perpetually hungry.  Especially when you’re trying your hardest to be good and not overeat!

I know this is just another step in the process and I’m not going to let it break me.  I just hope this doesn’t go on forever!

-JD

Time to Change – Day Three

So, I’m three days into my health kick.  I’ve been eating well, monitoring my calories (I know that’s not an ideal way to lose weight, but I find it helps to track what I’m eating and plan ahead) and exercising.  Not exercising as much as I’d like, I’ll admit, but moreso than normal (which up until recently, was none at all).  The scales haven’t started reflecting the change but I’m not going to let that worry me just yet – it’s early days!

I felt okay for the first two days.  Not really any different to normal.  Today, though, I felt lethargic, easily stressed and found it hard to focus.  On top of that, I started getting a migraine around midday, which isn’t completely unusual for me, but I haven’t had one in awhile.  I believe this is my body having sugar withdrawals, and it isn’t fun.  The only sugar I’ve had for three days is natural stuff in fruit, and I guess my body knew it wasn’t what it was used to.

I know this is potentially only the beginning of the adjustments my body is going to go through, and while I’m not looking forward to it if it’s anything like today, I know it needs to happen.  As much as it sucks, it tells me that my diet is having an effect, even if the scales haven’t picked up on it yet.

So far, I haven’t been overly tempted to eat sugar or fatty foods.  Oh sure, I see donuts or chocolate at the grocery store and think for a second how easy it would be to grab it, but I know if I’m going to have any success this time around, that I can’t do that, even if realistically one thing here or there won’t hurt.  As soon as I let myself have one of those moments, everything starts to fall apart.  I know at some point I’m going to have to cross that bridge when I’m out with friends, but I feel that the longer I can completely avoid it, the better off I’ll be.

I’m actually a little surprised that I haven’t had cravings.  That was a lot of my eating issue – I live by myself, and if I felt like eating something and I got it into my head that I wanted it, then I’d go out and buy it.  While I was heavy prior to living alone, I feel like it has exacerbated the problem because nobody is there to say “that’s not a good idea” or give disapproving looks.   Not that it’s up to anyone else as to what I put into my mouth, but it certainly helped to worry that someone is judging you when you binge eat ice cream or order in a pizza.  This is why I have to be super careful not to fall off the wagon, and why I’m going to keep writing updates.  It helps to keep myself in check!

More updates to come =)

-JD