I’ve had a terrible year. The worst of my life. It hasn’t just been one big thing – that stuff happens but doesn’t make the whole year awful – but one bad thing after the other. It feels like I’m a character in the Sims, where the game is being run by a bored 14-year-old boy. Every time I find my feet and try to get back up, something comes along to kick me back down again.
It’s all a lesson right?
A lesson in accepting what comes. A lesson in appreciating what you’ve got. A lesson in trying to find the positive in everything.
I don’t know.
The start of this year saw me in a job I was comfortable in, with great friends, a super cute crush I got to see 5 times a week, a healthy family, a reliable car and a gorgeous young dog.
And now? A mere 9 months later?
I’m unemployed. Not by choice. My family has been touched by cancer. I’m lucky if I see my crush once a month. I’ve upset about half my friends unintentionally (my friendship group isn’t huge). I had a car accident on my 25th birthday, though luckily (if you could call anything like that lucky) it wasn’t off the road too long.
It’s all a test, right? If I survive this year, I’ll win a great 2016?
And yet, despite receiving yet another phone call saying “sorry, you didn’t get the job, we found someone better” for the seventh time in two weeks, despite having no income with an upcoming mortgage, despite going stircrazy sitting around all day every day at home, I’m OKAY.
I’m not great. There are days where I just want to throw in the towel, crawl under a blanket and refuse to participate in everything. It’s only fair, right? After everything I’ve been dealt?
But there are days – days like today – where the sun is out, the breeze is warm, and I feel like I can get through this. That things aren’t so bad. That I’m alive
and healthy and able to appreciate the fact that even if everything else in my world is shit, that summer is coming. After a freezing winter, summer is coming. Even if I don’t find a job, even if I get more bad news, the warmth is approaching and the days will soon get longer. Nothing is going to change that.
And for some reason, today, just knowing that, is enough.