Time to Change – Day Eighty-Four

I’m back again!  Another long gap between posts full of long days at work and trying to squeeze sleep in between.  How’s everyone going?

The last time I posted was the day prior to my new store opening.  Wow, that feels like months ago.  Hard to believe it was less than two weeks.  I’m really settling in and starting to feel like one of the team, and getting used to how everything runs there.  There are still teething problems and small issues here and there, but for the most part I’d say it’s going really well.

Launch day wasn’t as big as I (and probably the company) thought it would be.  I mean, it was busy, but not chaotic like I thought it would be.  It was actually kind of good that it wasn’t, as it gave us time to properly adjust to the new store and take our time with each customer like we’d been trained to.  If it had of been busy, it probably would have been a lot more stressful.

In general, the job is great and I’m really liking it.  One of the phone reps who I knew from my previous job even told me that I look a lot happier here than I did previously, and although it caught me off guard for a bit, I realized she’s right.  I love the store, I love the team, I love how there’s no pressure to get customers out the door.  I mean, they don’t want you wasting time but there’s so many staff on that it’s okay to take an extra five or ten minutes if you need to.  Plus, like I may have mentioned in previous posts, the atmosphere is just more professional.  The management team actually feel like managers.  The store manager actually feels like the leader that everyone looks up to and can trust.  Don’t get me wrong, at my previous job, we tried to emulate that, but really, we were just kids faking it til we made it…and we just didn’t quite get there.  I also find it more professional in the sense that they’re very clear about what their expectations of you are – what your monthly targets are for everything, what else they expect from each sale (eg, leaving notes on the customers account).  They follow up on things if you do something wrong and explain clearly how to do it properly.  It’s worlds apart from what I was used to, and it wasn’t for our lack of trying as managers.  The company itself just didn’t explain itself clearly, didn’t have procedures in place to allow managers to check things, didn’t put enough emphasis on things they should have.  It’s where a lot of my frustration stemmed from, so it’s wonderful to be in a job where all this is not only in place, but seen as completely normal.

I think I’m also doing well in sales.  We have a tracker we get sent each morning and I’ve been up and down a bit, but overall, for my main targets, I think I’m doing better than expected.  I was nervous about this as although I know I can sell, I’m competing with dozens of others who have similar targets to me.  I just wasn’t sure how I’d go up against so many people.  It turns out, it’s not really as big of an issue as I thought it might be, mostly because the store is busy enough for it not to matter.

Aside from work, there isn’t much else new.  I feel like all I do is go to work then come home and sleep, sometimes fitting in a little catch up TV, sometimes not.  It’s exhausting, not just work itself, but the travelling to and from.  I’ve been catching public transport most days, with the occasional exception where I’ll drive.  Either option usually takes around an hour to an hour and a half, depending on how long I have to wait for the bus and/or train.  Driving is sometimes faster if it isn’t peak hour, but then I pay more in parking (and petrol), which is why I’ve been avoiding it.

One of the most painful things about working so far away, I worked out, is that my train doesn’t run after 8.20pm weeknights.  I mean, I know I’ve said previously I don’t want to be on a train at night – and I don’t – but when I have a 2-9 shift, I don’t have anywhere to park that won’t cost an arm and a leg (if I get into the city before 10am, I get ‘Earlybird Parking’ rates, which is basically a flat fee of $17 provided I leave after 3pm).  I looked into Uber, but even that would cost me $40+ each way.  From January, I’ve had to put in that I can’t work after 7.30pm for this reason.  In the meantime, I’ve got two choices – I either go in early and get Earlybird rates and kill time until my shift starts, or I park somewhere close to the city, then train it the rest of the way.  I took the first option last week, and killed time by seeing Mockingjay for the second time.  This week, I’ll probably do the latter option.

Last night, I went and saw Taylor Swift as part of her 1989 World Tour.  I’ve reviewed the whole event here.

Aside from that, I don’t think there’s anything else worth writing about.  I’ve spent a majority of today sleeping (as I do most Saturdays).  Tomorrow I’ll go grocery shopping and wash my hair.  Nothing really interesting, but it has to be done.  I wish I had more to write on, but with all the travelling, it doesn’t leave room for much else.  If I didn’t love my workplace like I do, I’d probably be asking for a transfer to somewhere closer.  Instead, I’m gritting my teeth and dealing with it.  At least I’ve started reading on the train on my tablet, which is making the trips go quicker.  I’m still rereading the Hunger Games, but I’ve almost finished it.  I’ll have to find something else after that!

As for Christmas shopping, I have no ideas and no money.  Standard for me really.  I know I’m gonna have to start making some decisions soon, but right now I’m trying not to think about it.

My diet still hasn’t really gotten back on track.  That’s another issue with working weird hours and all the travelling – it makes having regular meals difficult, and makes having Lite n Easy even harder.  I’ve had maybe two LnE meals in the past two weeks because for the most part, I’m not home for dinner (at least 3 shifts a week I finish around 7), and even if I finish early, by the time I get home I don’t feel like eating.  It’s tough.  I know I’m going to have to find a way around it, but I just don’t see how.  I can’t really take the meals to work because the trip in will cause them to melt.  I’m just going to have to try to pack a healthy lunch (which I have been doing) and actually eating it (which I haven’t been).  At least I haven’t put any weight on, and am sitting right on 90kgs, which is still the lowest I’ve been in a long time.  I just can’t seem to get under it.

Like I’ve mentioned in previous posts, working in the city and catching public transport is at least giving me more exercise.  I’m averaging anywhere from 6-9000 steps a day, up from an average of 4-5000.  I also run up and down a huge flight of stairs many times a day, and each time I can feel that I’m getting slightly less breathless.  Maybe sometime soon I won’t even get winded at all.

Last night after Taylor Swift, I checked my step count and I’d done almost 15000 steps for the day.  That’s blown my previous record of 9000 out of the water.  I guess that’s what happens when you go to work then walk to and from the concert.  I was really happy that I wasn’t even winded after the walk back.  I mean, I know it was cold and we weren’t walking particularly fast, but it would have been a good couple of kilometres (maybe more).  I really do feel like I’m getting fitter, slowly but surely.  Yay!

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Screenshot of my fitness tracker prior to my walk back

Anyway, I think that about wraps up everything worth talking about.  How’s everything going with you?  Hope y’all had a good week too!

– JD

Time to Change – Day Thirty-Five

I can’t remember a time where I’ve appreciated a weekend more.  At least, not in the past year or so.  I can’t believe how tired work makes me.  I guess it’s just trying to learn so many new things at once (coupled by the way the shop heats up so by the end of the shift I feel sweaty and sticky and horrible) but it still surprises me how draining it is after doing a similar job for so long.

Yesterday was another good day.  Aside from maybe an hour, I worked independently and fairly confidently.  Everyone is super friendly there and are all really easy to talk to and ask questions, which is really helping.  I wound up putting through two contracts and had three add-ons for the day.  The add-ons I’m especially proud of as I feel confident in selling them and processing them now, which I’m happy about as I feel like without knowing that, I’m dragging the store down with the contracts I was doing.  Plus, I feel like it’s another big thing I can tick off my ‘Need to Learn’ checklist.

I was practically running for the exit at the end of my shift.  I was so pumped to be heading home for a relaxing couple of days.  I had a long sleep in this morning, then went out to lunch with my best friend.  It was nice to catch up, and I got some extra steps in walking around the shopping centre.  I came home, tried to tackle my overflowing TV shows that had been piling up all week, then had a long soak in the tub.

I also decided to bite the bullet and update my Facebook details to reflect my new job.  I know this may sound mundane and not worth mentioning, but it was a big deal for me.  Initially I wasn’t going to change it until after my probation (that’s still my plan for LinkedIn) but the original reason for me not updating it is so the people who threw me under the bus at my last job didn’t know where I was working.  Well, that lasted a whole 3 days now that I’m working two shops away.  Plus, I don’t have any of them on Facebook anyway and my profile is set to “Friends Only” for everything.  On top of all that, in the week I’d been working in store, I’d had quite a few people spot me and come in and say hi.  I figured it was about time everyone was let in on the change so I didn’t have to tell them individually.  I just hope updating it doesn’t lead to issues down the line (my new job doesn’t know I got fired), but I’m 95% it’ll be fine.  I deleted anyone who I thought might be an issue prior to doing it.  I feel better for updating it, as it felt weird having my profile still saying I worked at my old work after how it all ended.  I didn’t really want to be associated with that place any more.  I’m trying very hard to close that chapter and this is another step towards it.  Plus, now I’m slowly adding people from my new job, I was worried it would be confusing to them if it isn’t accurate.  Can you tell I’m an overthinker?

Tomorrow is housework, a walk and grocery shopping…after another long sleep in, that is.  I can’t seem to even make a dent in my sleep debt but I’m going to give it a good crack!

After I go grocery shopping I’m going to get back on my healthy eating plan.  It’s been a terrible week with what I’ve eaten and how little I’ve been exercising and I need to get my focus back.  I refuse to fall off the wagon completely.  This is just a bump in the road.  I need to keep it up so that in the future, I don’t have to look back and wish I did.

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-JD

“When You Are Feeling Blue, What Will Turn That Frown Upside Down?”

When I’m feeling upset, these are a few things that always make me feel a bit better:

  • Have a long, hot bath.  This is always my first point of call.  About a year ago, I rekindled my love of baths and now I try to have them 3-4 times a week in replace of showers.  Initially, I started having baths as my eczema was the worst it had been since I was a kid and soaking in bath oil helped.  I still add the bath oil (as the hot water definitely dries out my skin), but now I have baths for relaxation more than medical reasons.  I’ll sometimes blog or surf Tumblr or listen to music.  Often I’ll read.  There’s just something about the warmth that helps everything seem a little better.
    the-honest-company-bubble-bath
  • Write.  Sometimes the best way to feel better is to let it out, and the best way for me to let it out is to vent onto a word document.  I’ll often start it like I’m writing a letter to the person who’s upset me (if that’s why I’m upset), and then I’ll just let my fingers type whatever crosses my mind.  I average about 1-2 pages, and I find it often helps me to pinpoint why I’m so upset and get my thoughts in order.  I always save the document so I can look back on it later on and realize how far I’ve come.
    typing-on-keyboard
  • Cry.  I’m a big advocate of crying.  Sometimes, you just need to crawl under a blanket and let it all out.  I always feel worse and more stressed if I’m holding in my emotions, and I always feel a lot better after I release it.
    mom-cries
  • Talking.  Similar to writing, sometimes I just need to vent.  I don’t mind showing weaknesses and letting my guard down around certain people.  Those same people are the ones I always want their input about situations in anyway, so it makes sense to explode on them a little.  I think they’re used to it by now!
    BA2B9E Female Friends Having Lunch Together At The Mall
  • Junk Food.  Not an ideal solution but sugary, fatty foods always make bad things seem a little less painful.  Ice cream, donuts, fries and cookie dough is the top of my list.  And chocolate.  Always chocolate.
    junk-food1
  • Music.  If I can find a song that relates or fits my situation, it will be put on repeat over and over until I’m thoroughly sick of it.  There’s nothing quite like an artist putting your pain into words and over a backing track.
    png_man_hearing_music_by_selenator003_by_selenator003-d5mt0kk
  • Go for a Walk.  This is the newest one on my list.  Depending on the weather and what the problem I’m facing is, sometimes fresh air and exercise help to take my mind off the problem, or allow myself time to think the problem through.  There’s nothing quite like the feeling of warm sunshine and a light breeze to lessen the pain!
    strolling country girl

What ways do you make your bad days better?

I found this prompt here, along with heaps of others!

Time to Change – Day Twenty-Seven

Today was one of the best days I’ve had in a long time.  I know, it’s basically the opposite of what I predicted yesterday.  It was my first actual not-induction-or-computer-based-training day, at a place I didn’t think I ever wanted to go back to after how I was dismissed from my last job there.

I left the house early, expecting school traffic like there almost always is.  I guess I left early enough to miss it, because I got a really smooth run.  Usually that would be fine but I arrived half an hour early and I didn’t want to hang around near my old work.  I also didn’t want to seem too eager at my new job…half an hour is overkill in anyone’s books.  So I just sat in my car until it was time to go in.  I was pretty nervous – more nervous than I was before my interview, my first day at induction and waiting to get my needle – as I didn’t know what it would be like if I came face-to-face with some of my ex-colleagues.  Plus, I was also a little worried about having to meet so many new people all at once…it’s pretty much an introvert’s nightmare.

As I headed in, I gave myself a strong talking to.  I wasn’t going to let bitches from my past bring me down.  Instead of going the long way and avoiding the old store like I was tempted to do, I steeled myself and walked straight past.  I didn’t see anyone, so for the moment it was all good.  I headed into my new store and into a room full of people, most of whom didn’t know I was coming.  After doing a round of introductions, I was already feeling a lot better.  Everyone seemed really nice and the manager was cool.  We discussed my telco history and what I’d been up to in induction.  Then I buddied up with one of the guys and the day had officially started.

It went really well.  I basically bounced between staff (and there were a lot on!) and watched what they were doing.  Honestly, I would have preferred to be putting it through myself, but even watching I began to notice patterns and similarities to the programs I used in my last job.  Everyone was so friendly and were all eager for a chat and to see what they could help me with.  By mid-afternoon the manager checked in again and I told him that I feel very comfortable already and I could probably start processing stuff.  He was pretty happy to let me do my own thing.  I’m so glad I’ve landed in a store with a manager like that.  I was dreading getting someone who wanted to stay by the book or who believed trainees shouldn’t serve customers.  I made it clear from the start I wasn’t your regular run-of-the-mill newbie, but I still wasn’t sure how it would go.

The best parts of the day were when the delivery guys and phone reps came into store and their faces lit up when they saw me.  I’d been in that shopping centre for a long, long time and I’d gotten to know these people well, along with all the security guards.  They seemed like they’d genuinely missed seeing me, and I know I was happy to see their faces again.  I laughed every time each one first saw me, as a look of confusion crossed them every time, like “wait, did I walk into the right store?”.  I didn’t get to see my favourite delivery guy, though I’m sure in the month I’m working in the centre, I’ll cross paths with him.  I was always a little sad about how abruptly my employment ended at my old job, because it meant I didn’t get to say any goodbyes to these guys.  I know it probably sounds weird, but after seeing them multiple times a week for years, we got to know each other fairly well.  I wouldn’t go so far as to say we were friends or anything, but we certainly had rapport and inside jokes.

Once 5 o’clock hit, I headed home.  I intentionally walked past my old work with my uniform and lanyard on.  I didn’t look in, but I wasn’t going to hide or sneak past either.  If they saw, they saw.  I’m not letting horrible people from my past control my life now.  If they want to bitch or gossip or whatever, it doesn’t make any difference to me.  They aren’t part of my life any more and karma is fast on it’s way, I’m sure.

I was feeling great when I got home, and decided to go for my walk.  I’d gotten home a lot earlier now I was driving instead of catching public transport, and the weather wasn’t humid (thankfully!) so I headed out.  I got just before halfway through my usual walk when I had to turn around and head home.  My ankle (which has been sore for over a week) was getting worse.  I could practically feel it swelling up.  I should have worn my brace but it’s quite chunky and hard to fit into shoes.  I hobbled home, really annoyed that for the first time in awhile I actually wanted to exercise, and now I was cutting it short.  I iced it and put my brace back on and it’s feeling a little better again.  I was planning on exercising both days this weekend and I still want to, but I don’t know if it’s a good idea.  I can’t afford to hurt it any more, as my new job requires me to be on my feet all day.  Why does my body fall apart when I need to it stay together the most?

Tomorrow I’m going to get my nails redone (I’m thinking purple this time) and then I’m catching up with some friends I haven’t seen in way too long.  Should be a good day!  I can’t wait until next week to get back to work.  I haven’t felt this motivated for a very long time.  I think my luck is finally starting to change.  My ears have even stopped hurting almost completely – today is the first day I haven’t had to take painkillers.  Such a relief!

-JD

Time to Change – Day Twenty-Three

So, today was my first day at my new job.  It was induction so nothing too scary.  I wasn’t really nervous at all.  I’ve found that happening a lot lately.  Things that should have me shaking in my boots don’t phase me at all any more.  Not sure whether it’s a sign of maturity or just me being more non-chelount.

That being said, I slept horribly last night.  I woke up what felt like continuously.  Very frustrating.  It was made worse by me knowing I needed sleep, and began a vicious cycle of stressing about not sleeping and therefore not being switched off enough to sleep.  Maybe subconsciously I was nervous?  I don’t know.

Anyway, the day started off pretty cruisy.  I didn’t start until 11.30, so I took my time getting ready.  I got on the bus at 9.30 and was in the city by 10.30.  It was as I was getting off the train I realized I’d gotten in an hour early instead of half an hour.  I’m still not sure how I managed that, because I checked half a dozen times prior to it that it started at 11.30.  Yet somehow, my brain automatically thought 11 when I was planning everything.  I decided I’d get a smoothie (I got a large but I don’t know why I did.  I always forget how much is in them.  I barely managed to get through half so it wound up being less than 200 calories in the end).  I wandered around for a bit but I hate the city and being in such a crowded place, so I quickly found a seat and waited it out.

The induction started okay.  I was one of two people who had worked in the industry previously, so most of what they went through was stuff that had already been drilled into me previously.  I guess that was lucky because the migraine I’d had on and off decided then was the perfect time to come back with a vengeance.  Luckily it was almost lunchtime by then.  I spent half the break in the toilet covering my eyes from the light and hoping nobody noticed how long the cubicle had been locked for.  I honestly would have sat there the whole break except I thought I’d probably better find some food.  The painkillers I’d taken had taken the edge off by then, so I headed to the closest place I could find.  Oportos.  Hmmm, not my first choice but it would do.  I ordered my all time favourite comfort food – hot chips – and took them back up to the classroom to eat, worried I was running out of time thanks to the guy taking ten minutes to get my order done. (Seriously, ten minutes for some fries!  It wasn’t even busy!  Are you freaking kidding me?).

I downed some more painkillers before the class started back, vowing I’d go to the doctors that night.  I don’t like having to take so many but it was either that or go home sick…and that just wasn’t an option on a first day.

I survived the rest of the day.  The migraine stayed at bay, though I could feel it trying to overpower the drugs.  I started to feel it again on the train home, but it wasn’t enough to concern me.  Once I started my walk home, I called the doctors who said they didn’t have any appointments tonight except for 10.40.  After the crappy night’s sleep last night there’s no way I was going to trek out at that time of night, so I made an appointment for tomorrow night instead.  I’m hoping it might clear up before then but it’s probably wishful thinking.

On the plus side, without going for my walk today, I clocked up over 7000 steps!  I usually average about 5000 including my walk so I was pretty happy about that.  Another plus was I officially start full time work as of today – as it was induction and the store I’ve been hired to work at isn’t opening until next month I wasn’t sure if there’d be a gap or not.  Turns out there isn’t!  Yay, time to be financially secure and independent again!

Anyway, I think that pretty much sums up my day.  I have a longer day tomorrow so I’m hoping I’m feeling better.  I feel like the doctor won’t have much else to say than “rest up” which isn’t going to happen right now.  Stupid body falling apart the second it’s called into action!

-JD

Time to Change – Day Twenty-Two

So, today is my last day of unemployment.  You think I’d be nervous, but I’m not.  I’m not really feeling much of anything.  I guess it’ll hit me tomorrow.  This is hopefully the start of my next journey.  I just hope I found it as enjoyable (and educational) as my last one.

I’d been feeling pretty under the weather from the migraine that had carried on from the previous day.  It’s a weird one too.  I’ve had my fair share of them but this one isn’t normal.  I woke up at 1am with the top of my jaw and ears hurting just as much as my head.  I took more painkillers and went back to sleep.  Woke up and my ears were really sore again, though my headache and jawache were basically gone.  My headache came back about 9am, so I took more painkillers.  It’s been okay most of the day, though my ears are both really sore again now, as are my eyes.  It’s really annoying because I can’t afford to get sick, and I’m worried it’s the beginning of ear infections.  The last time I had an ear infection was during a trip across Australia when I was about 14.  It was the worst pain of my life.  I was screaming and sobbing while my parents were frantically trying to find a doctor still open at 8pm in a foreign city.  I can’t afford to go through that again, particularly when I’m about to start a new job.  I’m just hoping it’ll fix itself and painkillers will do their job until that happens.

I went for my walk about lunchtime.  I wasn’t going to waste my last day off, although as always, I was tempted.  I got home and napped in the afternoon, hoping resting would ease my incoming illness.  I don’t know if it helped.  It doesn’t feel like it did.  I ate dinner late, as I just wasn’t hungry.  I knew I couldn’t go without though, so I eventually made myself something healthy and forced it down.  Skipping meals isn’t a good idea for weight loss or for keeping healthy.

Tomorrow will be a big day, I can feel it.  Meeting a whole bunch of new people, in a new place, in the city which is always congested.  I don’t see it being a fun experience for me, but I know it has to be done.  At least I feel like once I get this out of the way, I’ll enjoy the job much more than the one I was doing (temporarily).  I hate being the newbie and feeling out of my depth, but I know it has to happen, whether it’s with this job or another one.  Everyone has to go through it before they become one of the team.  I just need to suck it up and try to learn things as quickly as possible.

I think I’m gonna head to bed now.  My ears are really starting to ache.  I hope they don’t get much worse.  Now is not the time, body!

-JD

Time to Change – Day Twenty-One

I skipped yesterday.  I’d like to say it was an accident but truthfully, it wasn’t.  I had plenty of time to do it, but I just didn’t want to sit there and write that I had a lazy day.  That I could have gotten my exercise in but didn’t.  That I fed myself excuse after excuse about why I shouldn’t go yet until – oops – it’s nighttime.  I know one day isn’t going to matter so much and I sound like I’m being really harsh on myself but I know if I’m not, that everything will just slip back into the way it was.  I can’t afford for that to happen.  Part of me wants it to…a rather large part some days…but I don’t want to be known as the ‘fat friend’ forever.  It sucks.  Only I have the power to change that, I know that, but some days it’s just so hard to find motivation and energy to keep going.

I think a lot of the problem is, my weight isn’t changing.  I mean, it isn’t going up so that’s good, but the whole point is I want it to go down.  It’s been 3 weeks and I’ve only lost a kilo.  I’m fairly certain I’ve lost centimetres from my stomach, but because I didn’t think to measure before this started, I’m constantly doubting it.  I think I’m just at that kind of crossroad that inevitably happens when I try to diet.  Each time before this, I’ve always thrown in the towel at this point.  I certainly am on the boarderline of it now.  My carefully planned meals are slowly sneaking back to unhealthy options, my exercise is once again a chore…it’s certainly not a great headspace to be in.  I’m not giving in though.  I’ve come this far – further than pretty much any of my other attempts – and I know this all has to be helping my body in some way.  If nothing else, it’s stopping me from binging on junk food and making it worse…at best, it’s making me fitter and healthier.

Anyway, yesterday, as I said, was a lazy day.  I caught up on people’s blogs for a few hours, sat in the sun, watched TV.  Found out at dinnertime that there was a second season of Finding Carter that I never knew about (one of the pitfalls of living in Australia.  Everything is delayed.  I thought Foxtel had began rectifying the issue but apparently not).  I tracked down the episodes and watched four or five of them before bed.  Fell asleep to Inside Out (such a fantastic movie.  Oh how I love anything Pixar!).

Woke up this morning feeling guilty as hell about yesterday and telling myself that no matter what happens, I’m going for my walk today.  I wasn’t going to let myself give up.  The first thing I did was check my weather app, which told me it was going to be humid by lunchtime and then a good chance of rain all afternoon.  Right, morning walk it is then!  I got up, watched a couple more episodes of FC, then headed out.  It was another one of those days where I hated every step.  One of those days where you just want it to end before it’s even started.  I guess I should have expected it…it was windy, overcast, I felt guilty for not going yesterday, plus my body was probably feeling the affects of that too.  I got home, only to find out my Apple Watch had only logged half the walk.  Still not sure why.  I didn’t do anything differently and it’s never done it before.  Very annoying though, as I love looking back at my records when I need motivation, and now today’s looks like I didn’t get my exercise in when I did.  *sigh* That’s technology for ya.

I finished watching the rest of FC once I got home, then had a nap.  Woke up with a splitting headache and neck pain (though the neck pain is basically constant these days).  I took some pain killers and ran a bath.  I’m feeling okay now, though I can tell the migraine is still there, just hidden away under the effects of the medication.  I really wish I wasn’t so prone to them.  I’ve had them regularly ever since I was a kid.  They got worse when my eyesight started getting weaker, slightly improved once I got glasses, and now they’re back to being at least once a week, sometimes more.  Plus on top of that is this near-constant neck pain.  Once I get back on my feet financially again, I’m going to have to book myself into the osteotherapist.  I used to go a year or two back and they did help a bit, though I was going mostly for my back and shoulder pain (I’ve also got scoliosis, though it hadn’t bothered me too much for awhile now).  If only the sessions didn’t cost a small fortune, I’d go regularly.

Now I’m sitting here, waiting for the storms to come.  No rain at all as yet (thanks a lot weather app!) but the skies are finally getting darker and I think I’ll see some lightning tonight.  I love storms.  I love the craziness of them, the noise, the flashes of light, the sleeting rain.  Ever since I was little I’d hang out for them.  I’m glad my dog is okay with them…one of the dogs I grew up with hated them and would bark continuously until it was over.  That kind of ruined the magic of them a little bit.

Hope y’all had a productive day!

-JD

Time to Change – Day Nineteen

Today was great!  Okay, the morning wasn’t.  I had my second shift and it wasn’t much better than yesterday’s.  It still felt like all I do is move things from one side of the store to the other.  Plus, the traffic on the way there was horrible.  At least I remembered to wear comfortable shoes, unlike yesterday.

Luckily, I finally got in contact with the guy handling my other job application (after a serious round of phone tag) and he told me that I could be starting as early as next week, depending how quickly they can get the paperwork sorted.  That certainly made the rest of my day a lot better!  I can’t wait to never go back to the place I worked today.  Like I’ve mentioned previously, I do feel kind of bad about putting them out and just up and leaving, but ultimately I have to do what feels right and I can tell you right now, that job doesn’t.

I got home to a beautiful day, not too hot, but lovely and sunny.  I caught up on some TV then decided to go for my walk.  It was nice to be outside in the fresh air (as it always is) but I still really struggle under the sun.  You’d think now it’s been nice weather for a few weeks my body would start adjusting from winter-mode, but it isn’t.  Still, my tan is coming along nicely (probably better than it was at the end of summer last year, thanks to my workaholic ways and at-home-hermiting) and I feel like even if the scales aren’t moving, that I’m losing certimetres from my waist.

When I got home I was a little bit naughty and had pizza for dinner.  I know, it’s not good but I decided to treat myself after an awful couple of days, and I still managed to stay under my calorie limit for the day.  Plus, I hit over 8000 steps today, a new personal best!  Back onto the diet tomorrow!

Hope everyone had a great day 🙂

-JD

Time to Change – Day Eighteen

Today was one of my worse days.  I woke up and felt very unmotivated.  Mostly, it was the thought of starting my new job today, one that I didn’t really want to go to.  I knew I should go for my walk before I left, but it didn’t happen.  I told myself I’d go afterwards.

I arrive at the new job ten minutes early.  They were flat out merchandising the place so I stood around awkwardly, being more or less ignored for fifteen minutes.  Then, when they remembered I was there, I was told to read a generic introduction booklet.  It didn’t get much better from there.  I was told to move stock around in an attempt to re-merchandise but having limited experience and no knowledge of the products, it was a slow, frustrating process.  I was shown how to do end of day, and it is world’s apart from what I’m used to.  People used to complain about the processes at my old work…now, I’d have given anything to have it back.  This was so slow and backward.  Nothing seemed logical, the computer program seemed to have way too many over-complicated steps and half the close was spent re-writing stuff that the computer already figured out.  I don’t know, I know I shouldn’t judge so early, but I’m dreading going back tomorrow.  The most frustrating part of the whole thing was I got a call from the other job I’m waiting to hear back from but couldn’t answer it, and by the time we finally left (45 minutes later than I was rostered for, mind you), they’d already gone home for the day so now I have to wait for them to call back tomorrow…and I’ll probably be working again.  Urgh.  I just hope after all this that I get some good news from them.  I can’t wait to get out of this job.  The only good thing about it is the customers, who were all lovely.  If that was 80% of my job like I thought it would be, then maybe it would be okay.

This basically sums up all my interactions with customers.

Anyway, after that shitty first shift with my feet killing me and my stress levels well and truly off the charts, I sunk into a hot bath the second I got home, downing half a (small) block of my favourite chocolate for dinner.  Not an ideal part of my diet plan but hey, if chocolate can bring people round from a dementor attack, it can definitely make me feel better about losing control of my life!  At least, that was my excuse, and I’m sticking with it.  On the plus side, even with the chocolate, I finished under my calorie limit for the day, and my weight hasn’t gone up…hasn’t gone down either which is annoying but better than up!


Unfortunately I didn’t get my exercise in today.  In the end, after leaving work much later than anticipated, getting stuck is traffic and having to get petrol on the way home (stupid petrol light!), it was dusk as I was pulling into my drive.  Ah well.  I’m sure all the merchandising I did today and am set to do tomorrow will partly make up for it.  Maybe.

Hopefully I’ll have a happier post tomorrow and some good news on the job front.  So frustrated I missed the call.  I hate having to wait so long to know the outcome, especially when I can’t wait to get out of this job!  I really hope something good finally comes my way.  I don’t know how much more bad news I can take.  Fingers crossed!

-JD

Time to Change – Day Seventeen

Today wound up being another good day.  It didn’t start out so optimistic though.  It was already 20 degrees and rising at 8am…yuck.  I mean, I guess I’d take it over the depths of winter but I certainly wasn’t in any mood for exercising like I’d planned.  As I think I’ve mentioned before, I’m not a morning person at the best of times.  The thought of going for my walk with the temperature on the rise so early was too much.  I put on a couple of Netflix docos, ate my weetbix and procrastinated going clothes shopping instead.  I guess that was probably the real reason I wasn’t in a good headspace.  Like I talked about here, clothes shopping as an overweight person is extremely stressful and unappealing.  I had to do it though because I start my new job tomorrow, and they told me I had to have a black button up shirt…which I don’t have.  Button up shirts with E-cup boobs is never advisable.  I suspect I’ll be re-doing the buttons up continuously, but there’s nothing I can do about that.

Anyway, by the time I convinced myself to switch off Netflix (it took awhile) and go to the shops, it was the middle of the day and freaking hot.  I was in the lightest, summer-iest dress I owned and I was boiling by the time I crossed the carpark.  I know in a couple of months I’ll be looking back on this and laughing, but coming out of  a cold winter, my body is really struggling to deal with the sudden onset of sunshine.

When I shop, I have a simple goal in mind: walk into as few shops as possible, try on as few items as possible, leave as quickly as possible.  I hate shopping.  I hate shopping centres and getting stuck behind giant groups of people walking so slowly they might as well just stop.  I hate trying to find stores.  I hate trying to find a carpark.  The whole thing is just so unappealing.  I will never be one to go to a place like that just for fun.  True to form, I raced into Target, looked at all the pretty dresses that weren’t designed for fat people, dug around until I found a black shirt, raced into the changeroom, decided it wasn’t great but for $8 it will do, bought it, hit up the grocery store, ticked off my 8 items on my shopping list then straight back to the car and out of there.  On the plus side, it clocked up 2000 steps so that made it almost worth it.

The rest of the day was spent actively avoiding the heat (not helped by the fact that my aircon doesn’t work).  I napped, caught up on other people’s blogs, played the Sims and watched more Netflix.  How did Australia ever get by without it?

Up until about 6pm, I was thinking my exercise wasn’t going to happen today.  It was still humid and I wasn’t feeling it at all.  Then suddenly, the cool change crept in.  Nothing beats the cool change after days of hot weather.  That was enough motivation for me to go outside and tick another day off.  It was another beautiful night.  It was overcast but still warm, and there was a faint smell of rain in the air.  If only it would actually eventuate…

As I mentioned earlier, I start my new job tomorrow.  I feel very weird about it.  I feel like I’m lying to them knowing I will probably be taking another job in the very near future.  I know it happens and it’s to be expected when I originally applied for a full time role there and all they could offer me was casual, but I still feel like I’m messing them around.  There’s nothing I can do about it though…I can’t risk telling them about it until I get a definite yes, in case I don’t get the other job.  It’s taken me so long to get anything at all.  At least for my first couple of weeks they’re only really short shifts, so I’m not putting anyone out too much I suppose.  I know I should be feeling excited, but I honestly don’t think I’ll be working there in a few weeks, and even if for some reason the other job falls through, this job isn’t something I ever envisioned for myself, nor is it something I’m passionate about.  It’s literally just a job and at 25, I feel very frustrated about that.  I feel like everything is out of my control and I don’t like it at all.  I know I just have to wait and see how everything pans out but God I’m sick of waiting.  I feel like that’s all my life as been for the past three months.  Waiting waiting waiting.

I also found out today my grandmother has uterine (?) cancer.  She’s been feeling off for a couple of weeks but she got a confirmed diagnosis today.  Just another crappy event in this extremely shitty year.  Mum had cancer about six months ago (luckily they could just cut it out and that was the end of it), and now her mum has it.  The worst part is, she’s got dementia (at least, the early stages of it) and she’s probably going to forget she’s even going through all this.  It’d be easier for her if my grandpa was still around because he was always there to remind her of what’s going on, but unfortunately he passed away last year.  It also doesn’t help she lives about an hour and a half away from the rest of her family.  It’s going to be tough on my mum and uncle, who will alternate driving down there and staying there on and off until this is over.  They’re hoping a hysterectomy will get it all…I hope so.  I honestly don’t know how she’ll cope if it’s anything more than that.  I don’t know how the family will cope in general.

Urgh.  2015 just needs to fuck off already.  I’m so over being dealt blow after blow.  The car accident on my birthday was definitely a bad omen or something.  I just want things to be easy again.

-JD