Time to Change – Day Thirty-Three

I’ve had another busy couple of days.  It seriously feels like I’m making up for all my laziness over the past few months in one big hit.  I’m enjoying it but it’s exhausting and a little overwhelming.  I’m trying to adjust but I’m struggling and I can’t wait for the weekend so I can relax.

Yesterday I started doing most things alone at work.  I decided anything I didn’t know I’d just try, and if I got stuck I’d ask questions.  I know that makes some of the other staff a bit nervous but it’s the best way for me to learn – I struggle to focus when other people do it and I have to watch, and most of the staff don’t explain what they’re doing or slow down for me to learn properly.  I don’t blame them – I’m sure when I was teaching new kids at my old job, I did the same thing.  I think I did well, considering.  It’s tough though.  I feel pressured to do things fast as I don’t like to make customers wait and get annoyed they’re stuck with the trainee, but the systems are a lot more complicated than my old job and going fast sometimes just isn’t an option.

After work I had to go to training in the city.  I’d only found out about this 24 hours before and I was in two minds about going at all.  It was basic training on one of the products I’d been selling at my old job for years.  I didn’t think I’d learn very much, and I dreaded the idea of having to go to it after a full day of work.  I decided I’d probably better go.  I was worried if I didn’t go I’d look bad, and I don’t want that if I’m aiming to get promoted sometime in the future.  The training was long, dry and boring, as I was expecting.  It didn’t finish until after 8pm and by the time I got home, it was after 9.  I picked up some pizza on the way home, throwing my diet further off track, but there was no way I was cooking that late…especially when I had work at 9am the following day.

Needless to say, it was a struggle to get out of bed this morning.  It doesn’t matter how much I’m enjoying work, I don’t do well on little sleep.  I’d had weird dreams all night, which also didn’t help my mood.  I headed in, feeling fairly average instead of my usual excited self.  Luckily, my day actually turned out quite good.  I ran into a couple of people from my old work who I’m still on good terms with, and they were really interested in what I’m doing now and happy to see me, which was really nice as I’m used to getting the cold shoulder from a lot of the people still there.  Then I had lunch with another friend from my old work who isn’t there any more either.  It was great to see him again.  I also got to have a good talk today with my (temporary) manager about how I’m progressing at work and hear his suggestions on how to learn more.  He was impressed with what I was already capable of doing by myself, and is really keen to get me filling in the learning gaps quickly, which is great because that was what I was hoping he’d say.

On the way home I stopped off at the automatic carwash, after procrastinating about it for months.  I don’t care what anyone says, these things are the best.  $10 and the car goes in filthy and comes out clean, and you get a cool show while it’s happening.  I wish there was one closer to me…I guess maybe there is, but I haven’t seen it.  I should probably take the time to find one, as I won’t be working in that area very much longer so it won’t be my local one any more.  End of an era 😦

My foot is starting to feel a bit better, finally.  I still haven’t gotten back into my walks as it’s only just started coming good and I’m still worried I’ll do damage by pushing it.  Hopefully by the weekend I’ll have a bit more confidence in it.  My weight is back up a little but there’s no surprise there, with my diet and no exercise.  I really need to get back into it, and will.  I’m slowly starting to adjust to my working life, so by next week I should be right back into it.

One more day and I’ll be in relaxation mode!  That’s the only thought that’s going to get me through tomorrow!

-JD

Time to Change – Day Twenty-Seven

Today was one of the best days I’ve had in a long time.  I know, it’s basically the opposite of what I predicted yesterday.  It was my first actual not-induction-or-computer-based-training day, at a place I didn’t think I ever wanted to go back to after how I was dismissed from my last job there.

I left the house early, expecting school traffic like there almost always is.  I guess I left early enough to miss it, because I got a really smooth run.  Usually that would be fine but I arrived half an hour early and I didn’t want to hang around near my old work.  I also didn’t want to seem too eager at my new job…half an hour is overkill in anyone’s books.  So I just sat in my car until it was time to go in.  I was pretty nervous – more nervous than I was before my interview, my first day at induction and waiting to get my needle – as I didn’t know what it would be like if I came face-to-face with some of my ex-colleagues.  Plus, I was also a little worried about having to meet so many new people all at once…it’s pretty much an introvert’s nightmare.

As I headed in, I gave myself a strong talking to.  I wasn’t going to let bitches from my past bring me down.  Instead of going the long way and avoiding the old store like I was tempted to do, I steeled myself and walked straight past.  I didn’t see anyone, so for the moment it was all good.  I headed into my new store and into a room full of people, most of whom didn’t know I was coming.  After doing a round of introductions, I was already feeling a lot better.  Everyone seemed really nice and the manager was cool.  We discussed my telco history and what I’d been up to in induction.  Then I buddied up with one of the guys and the day had officially started.

It went really well.  I basically bounced between staff (and there were a lot on!) and watched what they were doing.  Honestly, I would have preferred to be putting it through myself, but even watching I began to notice patterns and similarities to the programs I used in my last job.  Everyone was so friendly and were all eager for a chat and to see what they could help me with.  By mid-afternoon the manager checked in again and I told him that I feel very comfortable already and I could probably start processing stuff.  He was pretty happy to let me do my own thing.  I’m so glad I’ve landed in a store with a manager like that.  I was dreading getting someone who wanted to stay by the book or who believed trainees shouldn’t serve customers.  I made it clear from the start I wasn’t your regular run-of-the-mill newbie, but I still wasn’t sure how it would go.

The best parts of the day were when the delivery guys and phone reps came into store and their faces lit up when they saw me.  I’d been in that shopping centre for a long, long time and I’d gotten to know these people well, along with all the security guards.  They seemed like they’d genuinely missed seeing me, and I know I was happy to see their faces again.  I laughed every time each one first saw me, as a look of confusion crossed them every time, like “wait, did I walk into the right store?”.  I didn’t get to see my favourite delivery guy, though I’m sure in the month I’m working in the centre, I’ll cross paths with him.  I was always a little sad about how abruptly my employment ended at my old job, because it meant I didn’t get to say any goodbyes to these guys.  I know it probably sounds weird, but after seeing them multiple times a week for years, we got to know each other fairly well.  I wouldn’t go so far as to say we were friends or anything, but we certainly had rapport and inside jokes.

Once 5 o’clock hit, I headed home.  I intentionally walked past my old work with my uniform and lanyard on.  I didn’t look in, but I wasn’t going to hide or sneak past either.  If they saw, they saw.  I’m not letting horrible people from my past control my life now.  If they want to bitch or gossip or whatever, it doesn’t make any difference to me.  They aren’t part of my life any more and karma is fast on it’s way, I’m sure.

I was feeling great when I got home, and decided to go for my walk.  I’d gotten home a lot earlier now I was driving instead of catching public transport, and the weather wasn’t humid (thankfully!) so I headed out.  I got just before halfway through my usual walk when I had to turn around and head home.  My ankle (which has been sore for over a week) was getting worse.  I could practically feel it swelling up.  I should have worn my brace but it’s quite chunky and hard to fit into shoes.  I hobbled home, really annoyed that for the first time in awhile I actually wanted to exercise, and now I was cutting it short.  I iced it and put my brace back on and it’s feeling a little better again.  I was planning on exercising both days this weekend and I still want to, but I don’t know if it’s a good idea.  I can’t afford to hurt it any more, as my new job requires me to be on my feet all day.  Why does my body fall apart when I need to it stay together the most?

Tomorrow I’m going to get my nails redone (I’m thinking purple this time) and then I’m catching up with some friends I haven’t seen in way too long.  Should be a good day!  I can’t wait until next week to get back to work.  I haven’t felt this motivated for a very long time.  I think my luck is finally starting to change.  My ears have even stopped hurting almost completely – today is the first day I haven’t had to take painkillers.  Such a relief!

-JD

Time to Change – Day Twenty-Six

Today was a tough day.  I woke up knowing it wouldn’t be a barrel of laughs, but it was definitely worse than I anticipated.  It started out much the same as every other day this week – getting ready quickly, walking to the bus stop, commuting by bus and train to the city.  We were in a different place today and I am extremely directionally challenged.  I managed to get thoroughly lost despite following Google Maps in my hand, messaging one of the guys I was meeting asking where it was and only being about 300 metres away.  How do I manage it?  Talent.

Anyway, so that kind of threw off my day even more.  I hate getting lost.  It’s stressful and frustrating and seems to always happen when you really don’t need it to.  Once I finally got there, we went in and started the day.  We registered ourselves onto different internal websites, then spent hours doing compliance modules.  For anyone who’s ever had to endure them, you’ll understand my pain.  It was horrendous.  Thankfully, I’d had plenty of experience in my previous job with very similar trainings so I smashed through them and finished first.  Even finishing first, I still spent a good chunk of my day on it.  Once that was done we worked out rosters and where we’ll be placed to train for the next month.  Wouldn’t you know it, I got landed two shops down from where I used to work?

Fan-fucking-tastic.

Of all the shops in all the state you have to put me there.  Next to a store full of people who hate me.  Next to people I wouldn’t trust again in pink fit.  Part of me wants to walk past them all and wave and act like this was part of my game plan (a rather large part, actually).  Another part wants to park as far away from possible, sneak into the store, hide from the front of it as much as possible and not leave it until home time so they won’t see me.  Still not sure which route will actually happen.  I think it’s unrealistic to think I’ll be able to avoid all of them for a whole month…especially because I need my pants altered and that shop is right outside my old work.  Yep, I think plan A is what will happen.

Anyway, so after finding that out we needed to try on uniforms.  Something I’d been dreading.  Please be big sizes, I thought.  I hate hate hate working out uniform sizes so much.  It was every bit humiliating and embarrassing as I thought it would be.  I tell them size 20, they look at me and say “no way, you’re not a 20, you’re like a 14”.  Um, I haven’t been a 14 since high school.  Try on an 18, too small.  No size 20s.  Try on a 22, and it fits.

Fan-fucking-tastic.

They don’t have any shirts in stock to fit me, even in guy sizes.  Great.  I’m the only one without a shirt now while they order it in.  Fuck.  I have a cardy but it looks horrible buttoned up.  Yep, this was a feel good exercise alright.

By the time it let out, my head was hurting, my ankle was killing me (it’d been getting progressively worse for a week) and to add to it all, it was so humid and disgusting that I was sweating by the time I’d gotten the train station.  I tried touching on with my Myki, but it wasn’t working.  I tried again and again.  Nothing.  I was holding people up.  It just wasn’t working.

Fan-fucking-tastic.

I took so long I caught the eye of one of the wandering helpers, who managed to get it working.  Once I got into the station, I immediately knew something was wrong.  It was a madhouse, even by peak hour standards.  You couldn’t even move there were so many people.  I’m still not 100% sure but I think one of the trains was broken down or something so everyone decided to go to my platform and catch a different train.  Luckily it wasn’t my train, because they were packed in like sardines…moreso than usual.

When my train arrived I was forced to stand up, which wasn’t fun because my ankle was seriously giving me grief.  There wasn’t anything I could do about it but try to ignore it.  The train was packed and it was hot and unpleasant.  I grit my teeth and put up with it.  It was a relief to get off and jump onto the bus, even if that was packed as well.  At least I got a seat.

After limping home, I collapsed onto the couch, wanting to never move again.  Instead, I had a look at my ankle.  Definitely swollen.  So instead of relaxing like I so desperately wanted to, I got back up and hoped into the car and went and bought a brace for it.  I knew if I didn’t, I’d regret it.  I couldn’t avoid standing on it – it was part of my new job and I wasn’t going to be all “Sorry, can’t stand, my ankle hurts” – so at the very least I knew I had to give it some support.

Finally, I got home after an epically long day again.  I can’t remember the last time my days felt so packed and exhausting.  I, once again, ate like crap, and I feel bloated and gross.  Now that I’m back in my old stomping ground, I’m going to be able to plan my meals and stuff a bit better, and be home slightly earlier.  I think this will help a lot.  I’ll be able to find a routine again and hopefully I’ll be able to get a smaller uniform size sooner or later!

Hope your day was better than mine 🙂

-JD