#loveme challenge – Day Sixteen

IMG_0546-0

Day 16 – Something You Like about Yourself

This is probably the hardest prompt I’ve had so far.  Although nothing immediately comes to mind (like a lot of females in this day and age probably), I guess I’m going to go with my inner strength.  Is that a strange answer?  Probably.  Honestly, it was a struggle to think of anything at all, which is kind of sad really.  I suppose that’s what this challenge is all about though!

Anyway, I chose my inner strength as I feel like over these past 5 years (especially this year) I have changed from a timid, shy person into someone who can deal with almost anything.  I’ve been dealt a lot of bad hands, met a lot of nasty people, made a lot of mistakes, lost family members and friends…and it’s all made me stronger.  I guess it all comes down to my mentality, and I’ve always been a believer in “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”…after this year, I’m proof of that.

I’ve had nights where I’ve shivered uncontrollably (to the point it probably would have almost looked like convolutions to outsiders), I’ve had days where I cried for hours, I’ve had moments of weakness where I’ve word-vomited my problems to a kind set of ears…but I always manage to pull myself together.  There’s always a strong voice shouting at me through the fog “okay, enough is enough, time to shake this off and get back to it”.  I don’t think anyone would blame me if I fell apart.  In fact, I’m sure some would expect it.  I haven’t though.  I’ve taken hit after hit and I’m doing okay.  I’m still standing.  I’m still fighting.  I’m refusing to let it all get to me.  I suppose part of the reason for that is if I do fall apart, I’m worried I won’t get back up.

Another reason though, is my amazing friends.  Being an introvert, I don’t have a lot of them, but the ones I do are so supportive and amazing.  I don’t have a particularly close relationship with any of my family, so without my friends I don’t think I’d be anywhere near as strong as I am.  Tying in with that, I’ve learnt in these past few years it’s okay to ask for help.  It’s okay to tell people you’re hurting or upset.  It’s okay to let people know you’re issues.  In fact, I’ve sort of come to rely on it.  Everyone knows my problems because I’m always looking for advise or a different outlook.  It’s part of my coping mechanism and while sometimes I wish I kept things to myself more, ultimately it helps me see things more clearly and to move forward with my life.

This was a tough post and it was a bit all over the place, but it’s the best I could do.  I’m trying to have more self-love and self-confidence but it’s a slow process.  I’m sure one day I’ll have a better response to this kind of question, but not today.

#loveme challenge – Day Thirteen

img_0546

Day 13 – Share a Quote

FullSizeRender

I’m a sucker for quotes.  My “favourites” folder in my iPhone gallery is stuffed full of them, so it was tough to chose just one.  I decided instead of chosing my all-time best, I’d instead share the one I’ve currently got set as my phone lock screen.  I found this on Tumblr (where else?) and I love it.  This is something I’ve learnt in the past five years through my telco experience.  I started off timid, quiet, shy…I walked out of there full of confidence and a lot more prepared to speak up.  I grew so much from my experiences with rude and angry customers, ones that would go out of there way to try to tell me how to do my job.  At first, I let them.  Maybe they’re right?  Maybe I’m missing something?  Maybe I’m doing something wrong?  After I learnt that I was doing all I could, that’s when I decided I wasn’t going to be walked all over.  That’s when I started to grow up.  It’s not often you can pinpoint things like that in life, but I can definitely tell you I’m a different person to who I was at age 20.  I now have a confidence in myself I didn’t have before.  I feel comfortable enough to share my opinions and make myself heard.  This quote sums up perfectly how it feels to finally learn it’s okay to talk.  Before, I’d feel like I was invisible, that nobody listened…at the time, I blamed everyone else and withdrew further.  Now, looking back, I can see it was my fault.  I didn’t let people in, so of course I was going to feel that nobody listened.  I feel like I now have a voice (sometimes even a loud one!) and the world is finally starting to hear me.  It’s a great feeling!

#loveme challenge – Day Twelve

img_0546

Day 12 – Share a Flaw

While it can sometimes be a positive thing, I think one of my biggest flaws is how stubborn I am.  I’ve always been that way (Taurus through and through).  I get myself into arguments when it would be easier to walk away, I insist on doing things a certain way, I do things even if people say it’s a bad idea.  I think this was most prevalent in my teenage years, where I didn’t care what anyone thought of me.  Now, having to be all grown up, I have tried to reel it all in a bit and be professional.  I’m learning to let things go…even arguments.  Sometimes, it isn’t easy.  I try to listen to people more, and take on board what they say instead of brushing it off.  I’ve been burnt too many times now by people who told me something then finished it up later with “I told you so”.  That being said, if I’ve been doing something for a long time and people try to tell me I’m doing it wrong…nope.  Just leave me to it.  You have been warned.

As I said, sometimes being stubborn has it’s advantages – it means if I want something to happen badly enough, I will make it happen no matter what.  It also means that I make myself heard, which has sometimes been an issue as I’m very introverted and, up until about the end of my schooling, was very quiet and withdrawn.  My stubbornness was one way I overcame this…if I was right – or rather, if someone said/did something wrong – I’d speak up.  Sometimes it was the only time I’d speak at all.  Thankfully I’m more outgoing now (still not enough to actually call myself ‘outgoing’ as opposed to ‘introverted’ but I’ve definitely crept up the scale a little) and I’ve learnt that what I have to say is just as valid as the next person, and that it’s okay to have the limelight sometimes, even if it’s a little daunting.

-JD