Always Something There to Remind Me

Daily Prompt Post: A song comes on the radio and instantly, you’re transported to a different time and place. Which song(s) bring back memories for you and why? Be sure to mention the song, and describe the memory it evokes.

This song reminds me of my first real taste of heartbreak.  It was a long time ago now…five or six years, at least.  I was crazy about a guy who I thought liked me back, only to find he didn’t.  Or maybe just wasn’t interested in a relationship.  I’m still not sure, and have never had the courage to ask, even though we’re still good friends today.

When I (finally) got the “no”, I was devastated, locking myself away in my room in the dark, curled up on the floor, this song playing loudly, tears falling uncontrollably.  This song really helped me through it, though.  I don’t know why a sad song is sometimes so therapeutic, but it is.

I have memories attached to almost all of Taylor’s songs, but this one is definitely one of the most powerful.  Every time I hear it, it takes me straight back there.  It doesn’t make me sad any more though, but rather, glad I’m in a better place now, and glad I learnt so much from it.

“A Personal Story about Breast Cancer”

Thankfully, my direct family hasn’t been touched by this cancer…touch wood.  I do have a personal story from when I was young though, and it’s stuck with me (and always will).

I was about nine or ten when my best friend in primary school told me her mum had been diagnosed with breast cancer.  I was too young to fully comprehend what this meant.  I knew she’d get sick, of course, and I knew cancer was bad, but that was about it.  I’d often go over to their house, and I watched her get sicker, and her hair fell out.  I knew that was what happened with cancer.  She was always such a happy lady…other than no hair and looking tired, you’d never know she was sick.  She always had a smile on her face and was always happy to have me over.

Things got better.  I didn’t know the specifics because nobody wanted to tell kids that kind of stuff, and kids don’t talk about it with each other, but looking back I believe she must have gone into remission for a little while.  Her hair started growing back, she started getting her strength back, everything started going back to normal.

A year or two later (roughly, I’m not 100% sure), my best friend once again told me her mum had cancer.  Although a little older now, I was still fairly naive to what this could mean.  Oh, don’t get me wrong, I knew cancer could kill people.  I just could never imagine the world without her.  She was too full of life, too happy.  No, she’d get past this too.  She had to.

I remember when my best friend told me her mum had to have her breast removed.  I’d never realized that was one of the treatment options.  I’d always heard people having chemotherapy, it just kind of went hand-in-hand…and I knew sometimes they cut the cancer out.  I just didn’t think they’d remove whole body parts because of it.  It kind of rocked my world a little bit.  Nevertheless, my best friend’s mum kept her chin up.  She’d gone through major surgery and she was still smiling.  It can’t be that bad, I wrongly assumed.  She started losing her hair again.  She started looking tired, weaker.  Then she went back into hospital.

“They’re saying she isn’t going to come back out.” My friend had told me.  What?  I thought.  No.  No, they must have it wrong.  How could that be right?  I remember wholeheartedly believing the doctors were wrong.  There’s no way she’s not going to make it.  She’s too friendly.  Too kind.  Too smiley.  Her personality is too big.  It’s not possible.  She stayed in hospital for some time.  Two weeks, three.  I’m not sure exactly.

I wanted to be there for my friend.  I wanted to go over to her house, keep her company, help her through it.  My mum told me “no, it’s best to leave her to have family time”.  I remember it clear as day.  Now, my mum is usually good with advice (as I’ve come to realize), but in this instance, she was wrong.  I should never have left my friend to have “family time”.  Not like I did.  We began drifting apart, and I’m sure I’m completely to blame.  She became closer with one of our other friends…a friend that was there for her when I wasn’t.  I still to this day wish I’d never listened to my mum.  I feel terrible I was so distant.  It wasn’t my intention, in fact, it was the opposite of my intention.  I’d never been through anything even remotely like what my friend was going through, so I didn’t know what was expected.  I didn’t know what she needed.  All I could do was listen to the (poor) advice I was given.  It still doesn’t make me feel any less guilty.  I’m so sorry.

Anyway, I got a call from my friend’s new best friend, saying that she’d passed on.  I remember it vividly.  I was crying before the phone call had ended.  I went and told mum and she broke down too.  How could this happen?  How could this be real?  How could she just be gone?

We went to the funeral.  I’d only been to one other funeral in my life, a few years before, but that was for my 97-year-old great-grandpa, who had been in a nursing home for a long time and was suffering terribly from dementia.  This was totally different, and a lot sadder.  Plus, I was a bit older, so I guess I knew what was going on more than the previous one.  I remember the drive home, and still being a bit shellshocked about it all.

Part of me still can’t believe she’s gone…and that she’s been gone for so long.  It was my first taste of what cancer can do.  It has no mercy.  It comes back when you think it’s gone.  It choses it’s victims at random.  It doesn’t matter how strong and bubbly and loved someone is, they can still be lost to it.

Rest Easy, Lynne.  We all still think of you and miss you.

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This prompt, and many more, can be found here.

“When You Are Feeling Blue, What Will Turn That Frown Upside Down?”

When I’m feeling upset, these are a few things that always make me feel a bit better:

  • Have a long, hot bath.  This is always my first point of call.  About a year ago, I rekindled my love of baths and now I try to have them 3-4 times a week in replace of showers.  Initially, I started having baths as my eczema was the worst it had been since I was a kid and soaking in bath oil helped.  I still add the bath oil (as the hot water definitely dries out my skin), but now I have baths for relaxation more than medical reasons.  I’ll sometimes blog or surf Tumblr or listen to music.  Often I’ll read.  There’s just something about the warmth that helps everything seem a little better.
    the-honest-company-bubble-bath
  • Write.  Sometimes the best way to feel better is to let it out, and the best way for me to let it out is to vent onto a word document.  I’ll often start it like I’m writing a letter to the person who’s upset me (if that’s why I’m upset), and then I’ll just let my fingers type whatever crosses my mind.  I average about 1-2 pages, and I find it often helps me to pinpoint why I’m so upset and get my thoughts in order.  I always save the document so I can look back on it later on and realize how far I’ve come.
    typing-on-keyboard
  • Cry.  I’m a big advocate of crying.  Sometimes, you just need to crawl under a blanket and let it all out.  I always feel worse and more stressed if I’m holding in my emotions, and I always feel a lot better after I release it.
    mom-cries
  • Talking.  Similar to writing, sometimes I just need to vent.  I don’t mind showing weaknesses and letting my guard down around certain people.  Those same people are the ones I always want their input about situations in anyway, so it makes sense to explode on them a little.  I think they’re used to it by now!
    BA2B9E Female Friends Having Lunch Together At The Mall
  • Junk Food.  Not an ideal solution but sugary, fatty foods always make bad things seem a little less painful.  Ice cream, donuts, fries and cookie dough is the top of my list.  And chocolate.  Always chocolate.
    junk-food1
  • Music.  If I can find a song that relates or fits my situation, it will be put on repeat over and over until I’m thoroughly sick of it.  There’s nothing quite like an artist putting your pain into words and over a backing track.
    png_man_hearing_music_by_selenator003_by_selenator003-d5mt0kk
  • Go for a Walk.  This is the newest one on my list.  Depending on the weather and what the problem I’m facing is, sometimes fresh air and exercise help to take my mind off the problem, or allow myself time to think the problem through.  There’s nothing quite like the feeling of warm sunshine and a light breeze to lessen the pain!
    strolling country girl

What ways do you make your bad days better?

I found this prompt here, along with heaps of others!

“Tell Us About Your Most Disappointing Job Interview.”

After going through at least 15 in the past few months with basically all of them leading to a “sorry you’ve been unsuccessful” call, this prompt is one that hits close to home right now.

The most disappointing one was definitely my first one, but not just because it was my first knock-back in five years.  I really wanted the job.  Like really wanted it.  I was currently still employed at my previous work, but hating every minute of it.  I wanted to get out of there.  I had friends working at the place I was interviewing for.  The pay was good, it was supposed to be a lot of fun, the uniform was better.  I had ample experience for the position.

I walked in confident.  Maybe too confident, I don’t know.  They’d asked me to prepare some stuff prior to the meeting, and I’d done that to as high a standard as I could manage, and presented it in the nicest way I could think of.  They were impressed with it, that much I could see.  They were really nice, I felt like the interview went really well.

Towards the end, I found out I’d been interviewing for a different store than I’d applied for.  One much further away.  I didn’t say anything.  I desperately needed to get out of my current employment and I really wanted to work for these guys.  I’d just make it work.  It wouldn’t be ideal but I’d do it and arrange a transfer later on.

I left thinking I’d done really well.  I thought I was as good as hired.  My experience speaks for itself, I thought, and the interview went smoothly.

A week ticked by.  I was starting to worry but it had taken literally months to hear from them after I applied, so I didn’t let myself stress too much.  I shot them an email asking what was happening, and got one back the next day saying they were still sorting things out.  It’s fine, they’ll call, don’t worry, I told myself.  So I kept waiting.  The next week, I got a call.  Freaking finally! I thought.

“Sorry, we were really impressed by your preparation and everything but we don’t know if you’d be right for the store.  We’ll keep your details on file though.”

I couldn’t have been more floored if aliens had dropped out of the sky right that moment.  What?!  How did this happen?!  I was so upset and disappointed.  I’d really wanted it and I thought I’d done well in the interview.  I had the perfect credentials for the job.  How could they say no?

I’d learnt a valuable lesson from it: don’t get your hopes up for things completely out of your control.  After I lost my job shortly after, this lesson would come into practice again and again.  I never let myself get that disappointed again.  Luckily.  If I did, I would have been a mess by the time someone finally offered me something.

Looking back, I think I didn’t get it because I was so rusty at interviews.  I took their niceness for me doing well, instead of politeness.  I probably said a bunch of thing wrong.  I wore the wrong thing.  I probably came off as desperate.  I’m not sure.  I just know that by the time I got to the interview where I was offered a job, I felt like I was very different.  I carried myself differently, answered the questions differently, took my time, dressed much more corporate.  I also understood that for every job that was advertised, roughly 19 other people were going for the same role too.  I didn’t know that going into the first interview.  I knew they’d had a few applicants, sure, but not that many.  It’s certainly a sobering fact to learn.  It doesn’t matter how good you are, there are 20 other people who potentially have more experience than you.  It’s a rough world right now.

-JD

#loveme challenge – Day Seventeen

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Day 17 – Something that Feeds your Soul

Whenever I’m feeling sick or sad or I can’t sleep, the best remedy I have is to put old episodes of The Simpsons, Rocko’s Modern Life or Rugrats on.  Cartoons – especially ones filled with nostalgia – make me feel like everything is okay.  It helps me switch off and relax, more than almost anything else can.  It takes me back to childhood and the sweet innocence of it all.  Plus, a bit of light comedy is always a good idea!

“And then I’ll let her break my heart ‘cos that’s all that I do well…”

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “This Is Your Song.”
Take a line from a song that you love or connect with. Turn that line into the title of your post.

One of my favourite songs of all time is Ben Lee’s “Ketchum”, which is off his second album, made well before he became famous.

I’ve loved it since the first time I heard it, years and years and years ago, when I was going through my “Ben Lee 4eva” phase.  There’s reasons why it has stayed in my heart long after the phase died out.

Firstly, those haunting strings in the background.  God, I can’t even deal with how beautiful they are.  I know it’s not Mozart-quality, but they get me every time.

Secondly, I can relate to so many of the lyrics.  These ones are my absolute favourite, though I love the whole song:

I’m gonna roam the Ketchum streets to find a Ketchum girl
And then I’ll let her break my heart ‘cos that’s all that I do well

The valley will become my home her hills will keep me safe
I’ll give her songs about my soul when there’s no soul left to take
And I’ll forget, I ever lived in any other place

And these ones:

And it may seem inevitable, I would love this fate
So beautiful and tragic and her heroes can’t escape
And Hemingway he shot himself one July evening late

I know it’s not the most uplifting song in the world, but whenever I’m feeling upset or hurt or alone, I crank this song up.  The last thing I want to hear when I’m feeling that way is something happy and chirpy.  This song is a reminder that I’m not alone, and that it’s okay to feel bad sometimes.  Hell, it’s even okay to wallow in it for awhile, just so long as you come back from it eventually.

I absolutely adore the whole album, and it still blows my mind that he was 17 when it was released!  How mental is that!  It’s not a musical masterpiece in terms of instruments used or anything, but some of the lyrics on the album are so beautiful I can’t even deal.  I wish I was half as talented as he was back then.  So crazy!

Regrets, I’ve Had a Few

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Regrets, I’ve Had a Few.”

Dear N,

I put my trust in you when I shouldn’t have.  You were upset about how someone else had treated you, to the point you were inconsolable.   You looked at me through wet eyes and said through sobs “I don’t understand how anyone could do that to someone else, I would never do that”.  I believed you.  I shouldn’t have.  Whether or not they were crocodile tears I’ll never really know.  You confided secrets in me, and I you.  We weren’t best friends and that was never the plan or intention.  At the time, we were just two people who got along and had been simultaneously wronged by a person we thought we could trust.  We felt closer because of it.  Or at least, I did.
Fast forward twelve months.  Things had changed fundamentally in the world around us.  This isn’t the first time, so there’s no reason why it should have changed us as people.  I don’t believe it changed me.  For some reason, though, it changed you.  There was no reason for it.  You met some new people but the ones who’d stood by you hadn’t faltered or upset you.  We still had your back, like we had twelve months ago, and we thought you still had ours.
It came out of the blue that you’d talked behind our backs, filed serious complaints against us.  Complaints that you must have known would lead to our downfall.  Why?  That’s what I’ll never understand.  What made you suddenly think it was okay to do that?  What could you possibly gain from it?  Were we so horrible?  So many questions I’ll never know the answer to.
“I don’t understand how anyone could do that to someone else, I would never do that”.  Did you forget that moment, twelve months before?  I know you didn’t, because that was when I confided in you and what you used against me at my time of weakness.  How dare you?  You knew I’d never break the promise you’d asked of me at the same time, to keep what you told me secret.  Apparently that never meant the same thing to you.
The girl who wronged both of us was bad, that much I’d not denying.  You are worse though, because you saw what it was like from our side, and you knowingly inflicted that stress on us once again.  At least the first girl had the good sense to remove herself from the situation after filing the complaint – you decided that it was perfectly acceptable to stay, like you’d done nothing wrong.  I hope when you look around you now and see the hurt you’ve caused the people left behind, you realize what you’ve done.  You not only lost friends in the people you complained about, you lost friends who stood by us afterwards.
Despite what you did, at least some small good has come from it.  We now know who our real friends are and always were, and they now know not to trust you.  At least they won’t repeat the mistakes that we made.
I can almost hear your reply to all this.  You’d have your most innocent sounding voice, saying “I didn’t know it would lead to this!”.  BULLSHIT.  You knew exactly what you were doing, or at least would have had the common sense to know where it could lead.  There’s no excuse for it.  You went out of your way to cause major problems for people who cared about you, and that is the ultimate betrayal.  You caused them stress that didn’t need to happen, you caused tears that didn’t need to be shed.  You stood there, lit the match and watched the world burn.  I just hope karma pays you a visit very soon and gives you a hard kick in the pants.  That’s the least you deserve for being such a terrible person and an even worse friend.  And I hope karma is in the shape of someone you thought you could trust, so you understand what you did.
-JD

“Sorry You’ve Been Unsuccessful”

I’ve heard that line what feels like countless times over the past month – both verbally or in a generic rejection email.

I lost my job recently, one that I’d held for the past five years.  It happened quite suddenly, although I was planning on leaving anyway…just not until I had another gig lined up.  That didn’t happen.  Instead, I’ve applied for 36 different jobs and had eight interviews.  Now, if you haven’t jobhunted for awhile, or have gotten lucky and been successfully able to jump straight from job to job, then you’re probably thinking “only eight interviews?  So what?”.  I probably would have thought the same thing six months ago.

I was so naive back then.

A job interview is mentally draining.  Firstly, you get a phone interview (if you’re lucky).  You spend twenty minutes trying to talk yourself up to some random on the other end of the phone, trying to sound confident but not arrogant, and trying to convince them (and usually, yourself) that you’d be fantastic at whatever job they’re calling about.  Issue is, most of the time, you didn’t apply because it’s your dream job.  You applied because, hey, they have money they might be willing to part with if you can play the part.  Sometimes when they call you have to mentally track back as to why you even applied for the job at all (do I really want to sell DOORS?  Is that even a job?  How many people go door shopping?).  Then you remember you were having a “low day” where you feel like you’ll never get a job again and applied for anything you believe you could remotely do, to hell with job enjoyment.  Finally, the call is over and they tell you they’ll be in contact.

This is a good situation.

A bad situation is when they decide that phone interviews are soooo 1999, and decide instead to make you do a VIDEO INTERVIEW.  Prior to this whole thing, I’d never even known this was a thing.  What a wonderful happy place the world seemed when I didn’t know about these.  Basically what they are is you, dressed up nicely, filming yourself, talking about yourself, in an empty room, addressing people you’ll never meet in the hope they’ll throw you a bone and call you in for an actual interview.  They basically give you a link (usually to an app), a bunch of questions and a timeframe, and leave the rest up to you.  It’s kind of like an audition tape for a role that will never pay you enough to warrant this nonsense.  But even this isn’t the worst of it.  There are two styles I’ve come across – the first is where you have time to answer the questions and redo your answers.  Aka, they let you be professional in the video.  Trust me, you need time to redo your answers.  You stutter, you get tongue tied, you lose your train of thought, you say the wrong thing, you swear, you scratch your face.  It happens.  If you think filming yourself over and over for an hour trying to answer the same questions is bad, oh ho ho, you’d be wrong.

There are sickos out there who don’t allow for that.

I’ve only had to do it once this way (so far) but they basically fire a question at you, give you about 20 seconds to come up with an answer to it that doesn’t sound too pretentious, and then bam! you’re expected to look professional and jobworthy on camera while you answer and try not to get tongue tied.  And just for good measure, they throw in a time limit on each answer too.  Who doesn’t love a bit of pressure, right?!

Okay, so once one of those two scenarios play out, you then do some more waiting.  Oh, the joy of checking your inbox 236 times a day in case an interview invitation might have crept it’s way in there without you noticing (you conveniently forget that your phone actually tells you when you get mail).  No mail?  Damn.  Maybe I missed a call and my iPhone spazzed out.  I’ll just check my call log.  Nope.  Domino’s is still the last call.  (It was a “low day” – don’t judge me!).

Finally, you get a follow up call from one of the potential hirers.  They always sound so optimistic, like you’re the top person on their list and they’re falling over themselves to hire you.  Like the interview is just a formality that has to happen but if it were up to them, you’d get the job on the spot.

It’s a trap!

You probably aren’t top of their list.  They’ve probably already made 10 phone calls exactly the same as this prior to you.  Hell, they probably gave everyone a face-to-face interview that could string two words together.  Or maybe they didn’t.  Maybe they are actually falling over themselves to hire you.  You just don’t know.  The issue is, you’re so happy you’re finally getting a step closer to a job that you completely forget that you may not actually have a 99% chance at landing it if you put on a bit of make up and have a positive attitude.

This is the “high day”.  The time after that phone call and before the interview.  Especially if it’s for a job you actually may not want to bail on the second something better comes along.  It’s the day you don’t order pizza, it’s the day you get off the couch and put on a bra and maybe even do some housework.  Someone thinks I’m worthy of a face-to-face meeting!  I’m one step away from employment!  We’re on the home stretch!

So the day of the interview comes.  Time to get yo profesh on.  Nice clothes, make up, perfume, uncomfortable shoes.  What is it with dressing up and wearing uncomfortable shoes?  Put some extra jewellery on, brush your teeth extra well.  Pretend like you haven’t been channel surfing for a week straight.  Positive thoughts Jessa, you are a hard worker.  They’d be crazy not to hire you.  Speak clearly.  You’ve got this in the bag.  Don’t ramble.

You leave early, even though it’s the middle of the day.  There might be traffic!  There’s not.  So you wind up sitting in your car, 20 minutes early, scrolling mindlessly through Facebook wishing your friends posted more interesting things and trying not to think that most of them aren’t posting because they are at work and you are basically trying to convince the world you’re worthy of joining that league once more.

Finally the time comes when it’s time to go in.  You feel overdressed.  Should have worn something less attention seeking.  Everyone is looking at me. (Nobody is).  Should have worn comfortable shoes.  Nobody is gonna hire me if I walk like my legs are asleep. You approach the nearest staff member and mumble awkwardly you’re here for an interview.  The staff member looks you up and down, then says “well, wait around, they’ll grab you when they’re ready”.  So you wait.  You don’t want to just stand there like an idiot, so you walk a little.  Not too much though, you don’t want to look like you’re pacing.  Keep moving though, you don’t want to look bored.  In the end you probably look like both at once.

Finally, the interviewer arrives.  Cue awkward introduction.  You try to sound confident but it doesn’t come out that way.

Oh well already blew it might as well go home.

But no.  You follow the interviewer to the meeting area and sit down.  Here comes the stupid, open ended question that seems mandatory in every interview ever.

“So, tell me a bit about yourself?”

You’d think after eight times I’d have this down pat, but I never really know if I do.  Do they want to know about my work history?  Do they want to know about my general interests?  Do they want to know about my day and what I ate for breakfast?  Or are they simply asking it as a polite formality?  Every interviewer seems to have a different take on this, from what I can gather, so I never know how to answer.  In the end, I usually just go down the job history path.  It seems safest, albeit the most dull.

Once the conversation starts the interview generally starts to run it’s course smoothly.  I have quite a bit of valuable experience (that much I know is true) and the interviewers seem to be interested in it.  Keyword: seem.  This is when my confidence picks up and I talk (ramble) about back stories and tasks I’ve done and why I’d love to work for…what company is this again?

Finally, after a final – more confident – handshake, the interview is over.  You walk away with your head held high.  You not only survived it, but it seemed to go very well.  You start to pick it apart on the way home – the interviewer said “we’ll be in contact by Monday”, that’s gotta be a good sign, right?  They talked a lot about that one story you shared about how you helped that guy out, that must mean I’ve won them over, surely?  In your head, you’re picturing the next five years of your life at the company, and start planning your life now you have an income again.  Even though a little voice is saying “Jessa, get a grip, they told you they have more people to interview” you’re already mentally partying.

More waiting.

So much waiting.

The day arrives that they promised you an answer.  You stare at your phone.  You want it to ring but think “if they don’t call til later, surely it means good news”.  You hope one of your referees message you to say they just got called, but nothing comes through.  “It’s okay, they probably got a call at an inconvenient time and didn’t have a chance to tell you”.  Finally, the phone rings.  Here it comes!  Good news at last!

“Hi Jessa, how’s it going?  I’m just calling to let you know you’ve been unsuccessful, sorry.  Do you want us to keep your details on record in case something else opens up?  You were great, we just found someone better”.

You feel like you’ve been kicked in the guts.

You knew this was going to happen, or at least, there was potential that it would.  Despite that, you let yourself get excited about it.

Bring on another “low day” where you hate the world and all the shitty TV shows that are on.  You hate you don’t have an income to go out and buy three boxes of Krispy Kremes and two pints of Ben and Jerry’s.  Instead you make do with Nutella on toast because that’s the best comfort food you have in the house.  You try not to look at your computer but can hear it calling “Jessa, time to do more job applications!  Time to do it all over again!”.  Eventually you give in and start applying, and because it’s a low day, you think selling blinds is a fantastic life choice.

And so the vicious cycle starts all over again.

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-JD

Summer’s Coming

I’ve had a terrible year.  The worst of my life.  It hasn’t just been one big thing – that stuff happens but doesn’t make the whole year awful – but one bad thing after the other.  It feels like I’m a character in the Sims, where the game is being run by a bored 14-year-old boy.  Every time I find my feet and try to get back up, something comes along to kick me back down again.

It’s all a lesson right?

A lesson in accepting what comes.  A lesson in appreciating what you’ve got.  A lesson in trying to find the positive in everything.

RIGHT?

I don’t know.

The start of this year saw me in a job I was comfortable in, with great friends, a super cute crush I got to see 5 times a week, a healthy family, a reliable car and a gorgeous young dog.

And now?  A mere 9 months later?

I’m unemployed.  Not by choice.   My family has been touched by cancer.  I’m lucky if I see my crush once a month.  I’ve upset about half my friends unintentionally (my friendship group isn’t huge).  I had a car accident on my 25th birthday, though luckily (if you could call anything like that lucky) it wasn’t off the road too long.

It’s all a test, right?  If I survive this year, I’ll win a great 2016?

RIGHT?

And yet, despite receiving yet another phone call saying “sorry, you didn’t get the job, we found someone better” for the seventh time in two weeks, despite having no income with an upcoming mortgage, despite going stircrazy sitting around all day every day at home, I’m OKAY.

I’m not great.  There are days where I just want to throw in the towel, crawl under a blanket and refuse to participate in everything.  It’s only fair, right?  After everything I’ve been dealt?

But there are days – days like today – where the sun is out, the breeze is warm, and I feel like I can get through this.  That things aren’t so bad.  That I’m alive
and healthy and able to appreciate the fact that even if everything else in my world is shit, that summer is coming.  After a freezing winter, summer is coming.  Even if I don’t find a job, even if I get more bad news, the warmth is approaching and the days will soon get longer.  Nothing is going to change that.

And for some reason, today, just knowing that, is enough.

– JD